The Negative Thoughts and Feelings I Have With My Depression


Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

Sometimes I feel alone, lost, depressed, anxious and worthless.

Sometimes I feel so alone. This idea that I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t deserve other people in my life is mostly what is behind that feeling. Hanging out with friends helps this; my friends remind me I’m not alone in this world, and no one is. There is always someone who will be there. I don’t always remember it but when I do it’s a helpful reminder.

Sometimes I feel lost. I don’t know where my life is going, I’m not sure if I am doing the things I need to do to get where I want to be, and sometimes I just don’t know what to do about anything. There are times when I’ll freeze up and it’s like my mind doesn’t know how to work for a few minutes; it’s like I can’t speak or think anything.

Sometimes I feel depressed. Feeling so down and worthless. I’ll feel like I don’t matter and I don’t deserve a life. Some days I have no interest in anything, all I want to do is sleep and there’s no motivation. There are days when I don’t want to push myself through it and do what I need or want to do.

Quite often, I feel anxiety. Mostly it’s social situations that bring up the anxiety. I get so caught up in my head with all the things that could go wrong or bad. So many thoughts will run through my mind and I have to try to prepare myself for every possible outcome that could happen. It’s really exhausting, which then causes me to feel tired, both physically and mentally.

The worthlessness comes from the depression and also from low self-worth. I think I don’t deserve good things, happiness, fairness, friends, etc. I don’t really know what else to say about that. Feeling worthless is really hard; especially when you’re working through depression because some days feeling worthless makes some thoughts more extreme or louder than other days. It’s tough to fight through that feeling to get the help I need.

There are days when I want to just curl up in a ball and erase myself from the world. It’s really exhausting to fight and push through those thoughts nearly every day.

Just like there are days I want to curl up there are also good days; I am grateful for those. I’m grateful for my family, friends and the treatment providers I’ve seen. Reminding myself of what I’m grateful for helps me in the moment. Sometimes distracting myself for a bit is helpful too, in order to put some distance between myself and the negative thoughts — telling myself feelings don’t last forever and just because I think or feel something doesn’t mean it is true.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Koldunov

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Depression

black and white image of man wearing suit crying with tear on cheek

How a Simple E-Mail Sent Me Into a Depressive Episode

I was having a good day. But then, in an instant, it changed. That is the nature of my illness. I saw an e-mail. Opened it. A few seconds went by and then there they were — symptoms I know all too well as early warnings I am about to have a depressive episode. My [...]
Graphic of a woman, half happy half sad

9 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone With Depression (and What to Say Instead)

With the best of intentions we sometimes put our foot in it when it comes to supporting a mate or loved when who might be going through a tough time. Understanding depression and anxiety or any mental health issue can be bewildering for both the person unwell and their support network. Sometimes we don’t always [...]
girl guide troop

How the Girl Guides Helped Me in the Early Days of My Struggle With Mental Illness

I started Girl Guides just before my seventh birthday and stayed with them for over 12 years before I finished up at 19 years old. Even though I am no longer an active member, I will never forget my time spent as a Girl Guide. For me, it was far more than just an after [...]
Vintage Fashion Woman with Long Hair. Vector Illustration. Stylish Design for Beauty Salon Flyer or Banner. Girl Silhouette. Cosmetics. Beauty. Health and spa. Fashion themes.

What I Remind Myself When Mental Illness Makes Me Feel Like a Bad Sister

I love my sisters more than anything. They are my best friends and my biggest supporters. I know I can always count on them to be there for me. But sometimes, my depression and anxiety have me believing I don’t deserve my sisters. I start to believe they deserve better. I find myself believing they deserve [...]