The Negative Thoughts and Feelings I Have With My Depression
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
Sometimes I feel alone, lost, depressed, anxious and worthless.
Sometimes I feel so alone. This idea that I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t deserve other people in my life is mostly what is behind that feeling. Hanging out with friends helps this; my friends remind me I’m not alone in this world, and no one is. There is always someone who will be there. I don’t always remember it but when I do it’s a helpful reminder.
Sometimes I feel lost. I don’t know where my life is going, I’m not sure if I am doing the things I need to do to get where I want to be, and sometimes I just don’t know what to do about anything. There are times when I’ll freeze up and it’s like my mind doesn’t know how to work for a few minutes; it’s like I can’t speak or think anything.
Sometimes I feel depressed. Feeling so down and worthless. I’ll feel like I don’t matter and I don’t deserve a life. Some days I have no interest in anything, all I want to do is sleep and there’s no motivation. There are days when I don’t want to push myself through it and do what I need or want to do.
Quite often, I feel anxiety. Mostly it’s social situations that bring up the anxiety. I get so caught up in my head with all the things that could go wrong or bad. So many thoughts will run through my mind and I have to try to prepare myself for every possible outcome that could happen. It’s really exhausting, which then causes me to feel tired, both physically and mentally.
The worthlessness comes from the depression and also from low self-worth. I think I don’t deserve good things, happiness, fairness, friends, etc. I don’t really know what else to say about that. Feeling worthless is really hard; especially when you’re working through depression because some days feeling worthless makes some thoughts more extreme or louder than other days. It’s tough to fight through that feeling to get the help I need.
There are days when I want to just curl up in a ball and erase myself from the world. It’s really exhausting to fight and push through those thoughts nearly every day.
Just like there are days I want to curl up there are also good days; I am grateful for those. I’m grateful for my family, friends and the treatment providers I’ve seen. Reminding myself of what I’m grateful for helps me in the moment. Sometimes distracting myself for a bit is helpful too, in order to put some distance between myself and the negative thoughts — telling myself feelings don’t last forever and just because I think or feel something doesn’t mean it is true.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock photo via Koldunov