If You're Nervous to Show Your Self-Harm Scars This Summer...
Article updated July 15, 2019
As the weather gets warmer and summertime nears, many of us have started daydreaming about beach vacations, time off school and more chances to be outside. But with sunshine comes something that might be stressful for people who have self-harm scars â pressure to wear more revealing clothes, both for comfort and to âfit in.â It can feel like a lose-lose situation when youâre trying to decide what to wear. Will people ask questions if you wear long sleeves? Will they stare if you donât? Itâs a tough spot to be in, especially if you feel like youâre in this alone.
To empower people with self-harm scars who are nervous for this summer, we went straight to people who get it â people in The Mighty community who have self-harm scars themselves â and asked them what they would tell someone in their shoes. Whether you decide to bare it all or keep yourself covered this summer, thereâs no shame in your choice, and always remember youâre not in this alone.
Hereâs what they told us:
1. âAs someone who has scars from self-harming, I would tell them itâs nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our scars â some just wear them differently â and that doesnât make us any less strong or beautiful. It shows that weâve fought a fight and that is absolutely not something to be ashamed of or afraid to show.â â Kristina K.
2. âPeople will stare, but not necessarily for the reasons you may be thinking. They may be thinking, âThey must have gone through a lot,â and you may even pass someone who has scars from self-harm and sees you embracing yours â that may give them the strength to do the same.â â Megan E.
3. âWear whatever you want! If youâd like to keep them private, however, I can show you exactly how to cover them with makeup. Whether you want them on display or not is totally your choice and both are valid but never, *ever* be ashamed of your body.â â Shoshanna J.
4. âI had this problem for many years. Both my arms are scarred from cigarette burns and cut marks. These are over 20 years old. Iâm 45 now and spent many years wearing long sleeves only, including in the summer⌠As time went by, I slowly talked myself into wearing short sleeves, in short bursts, until I became more comfortable and confident⌠Baby steps.â â Nicola D.
5. âI remember the day I wore a tank top for the first time, my healing scars still raised and red. I felt like they were screaming my secrets. But I did it, I wore it anyway. And guess what â the sunshine and saying no to feeling ashamed healed my scars and my soul more than I knew was possible. I donât want to say that people didnât notice but the ones who I cared about â they loved me anyway.â â Marielle E.
6. âNine out of 10 people wonât even notice, to be honest. Theyâre all wrapped up in their own lives. Or they wonât know what they are. Wear whatever you want.â â Naoko P.
7. âItâs an unfortunate balancing act, weighing up your trust in people to be understanding (or at least accepting), against your ability to accept them potentially treating you awkwardly in the future (or at worst, removing themselves from your life). The stakes become a little higher in a professional rather than social situation. But the risk can have its rewards â often people may pleasantly surprise you.â â Dan H.
8. âPeople are probably going to look at you â some children might ask their parents what happened to you. Some people will judge you, but youâve already proven youâre stronger than all of that by still being here today. Youâll be nervous, but youâll realize that in the end nobody will care. People will look and people might know what happened, but you may be able to help someone else who is about to pass out from the heat who is covering the same scars you had the courage to show. They are a part of your story as a person. Do not be ashamed of what helped you cope for so long. I know youâve heard that these are battle scars hundreds of times but every time youâve heard it those people were telling you the truth. Do not avoid the sun because you know that will make them stand out more. You are strong. You are powerful. You are courageous and you can do this.â â Morgan S.
9. ââThose who mind donât matter, and those who matter donât mind.â I would tell [others] that I love them and care for them and that their scars donât define them, that there is so much more beauty around them, and that their scars are proof that they have survived and are winning the battle.â â Conor L.
10. âEveryone has scars, but not everyoneâs scars are visible. You are stronger and have battled through the unbearable suffering so be proud of your scarsâŚ. you have physical proof that you are a warrior.â â Laura B.
11. âYou do you, boo. Itâs nobodyâs business why or when those scars were put there. Be proud of your body, no matter how scarred you might think it is. â Laura C.
12. âEvery scar is a reminder of how far youâve come and how strong youâve grown to be. I wear my self-harm scars with pride because every day I go without a new one is a small victory.â â Lindsey Marie G.
13. âDo whatever makes you comfortable. You have nothing to be ashamed of and should feel free to wear anything you like. However, there can be the odd occasion where you donât want to or are too tired to deal with rude questions that might arise, and shouldnât feel bad about wearing something thatâll conceal the scars if it will make you feel better.â â Caz G.
14. âEach scar tells a personal story⌠donât be ashamed. Itâs proof that youâve made it through your hardest challenges and overcame it. Youâre beautiful/handsome no matter what.â â Cherish I.
15. âYour scars are a part of your story, but they donât define you. There is no shame in your coping mechanisms â they show that you did cope! Also, your scars are an opportunity for you to educate other people, if youâre comfortable with that. Youâll get stares, some shaken heads, but youâll also find compassion.â â Christina S.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you struggle with self-harm and you need support right now, call the crisis hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text âSTARTâ to 741-741. For a list of ways to cope with self-harm urges, click here.
Thinkstock photo via GaudiLab