The Honest Truth About Depression and Anxiety
It’s waking up each day and feeling a wave of dread, wishing you weren’t here. So you just lie there while your mind tells you how useless you are and how pointless everything is.
It’s feeling guilty because you don’t have the strength to do even the simplest of tasks such as showering.
It’s looking at your messy, dirty house, thinking about how much you need to clean and tidy — but you freeze, because how can you look after a house when you can’t even muster the strength to get off the couch.
It’s looking in the mirror and hating what you see.
It’s feeling like a failure because you had to quit your job and everyone asks why or when you’re going to look for another job.
It’s feeling like a nuisance every time you reach out for help.
It’s a battle with your mind about the little things every day — things “normal,” functioning people have no issues with.
It’s like being stuck in this deep, dark hole and no matter how loud you scream, no one is listening.
It’s avoiding every social event or communication with people because you feel like everyone is better off without you, or that your input is unimportant.
It’s knowing all your fears and feelings are completely silly and irrational but you still feel them so strongly and wish you could just turn it off.
It’s also a teacher: the cruelest, and soul-sucking teacher you could ever have. You’re being forced to learn about yourself and what it is that brought you here.
It is being exhausted every single day but trying to muster the courage to stay here, despite what your mind is telling you.
It’s trying to explain to people how much harder life is, even though they don’t understand and you “know” you’re being judged.
It’s feeling lost and stuck and alone.
But with the right support systems in place and medication for some, it can get better. And for me, it has once before and I know one day it will again.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
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Thinkstock photo via kieferpix