What It Really Means When I Say 'I Am Not Feeling Well'
Editor’s note: If you struggle with self-harm or suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. For a list of ways to cope with self-harm urges, click here.
“I am not feeling well” does not just mean the temperature you see on the thermometer; it also means my body and its burning desire to no longer be alive.
“I am not feeling well” does not just mean my head feels heavy and I want to sleep; it also means my heart is sinking to my feet and I physically feel it in my veins.
“I am not feeling well” does not just mean I need a painkiller to take away the pain; it also means I am thinking about self-harming in order to feel something.
“I am not feeling well” does not just mean the food I ate is making me feel like throwing up; it also means my entire existence makes me sick to the point of death.
“I am not feeling well” does not just mean I will feel better after I take this nap; it also means I will take nap after nap after nap after nap, hoping to feel alive again.
“I am not feeling well” does not just mean my joints hurt and I need to slow down; it also means my body is tired of fighting a losing battle and I give up.
Because some days, I wear my depression. Some days, my depression wears me.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.
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