To My Boyfriend, Who Saved My Life During 5 Anaphylactic Reactions

How do you thank someone who has saved your life on multiple occasions? How do you ever truly express how much they mean to you?

How do you let your boyfriend know that you are so sorry he had to watch you go into severe anaphylaxis reactions, where you became unconscious and couldn’t save yourself, so he had to? On five separate occasions.

How do you apologize for the horrible fear and grief you saw in his eyes, when he was sitting beside your hospital bed, while a code blue was being called because multiple doses of epinephrine and IV steroids were not stopping a reaction? When your tongue was swollen and protruding out of your mouth and you were so afraid, and begging them all with your eyes, to somehow help you?

How do you thank him for not completely breaking down? For being your strength, your peace and your feeling of safety during those times.

For stopping work, so he could care for you full-time. For having his entire life become about making sure you stay alive. Yet even then, he made me happy, made me feel beautiful and loved. Made me laugh. Made my life more than just illness and fear.

I don’t have the words. Thank you just doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t even come close to the feelings I have tumbling around inside me.

I’m so grateful that my health has made it past that stage, that I’m not reacting to everything all the time anymore. But, if it weren’t for him, my life wouldn’t have made it past that stage.

He’s a blessing. He means so much to me. I hate that my body has caused him pain, fear, stress, sleepless nights and put him in the caregiver role.

I love that we somehow became a stronger, closer couple due to this, instead of having it break us. That speaks to his character, his soul, his heart.

Thank you. Thank you. I love you.

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