The Small Victory That Let Me Know I Was Recovering From My Eating Disorder

I stepped up to the sink, looking down as I washed my hands. I couldn’t bear the thought of looking into the mirror. If I caught a glimpse of myself, I knew that my eating disorder (Ed) would pick out each and every “flaw” on my body. I would need to fight negative thoughts, potentially making me exhausted for the rest of the day. No, it was much better to look down.

I moved my hands to the towel to dry them, and caught a glimpse of myself. Crap! I braced myself for the onslaught of negative comments that were about to enter my mind.

I look cute today.

What? No comments on my messy hair, imperfect skin, clothing or weight? No thoughts of restricting? Where did Ed go? The mirror is his favorite place to hang out! I was so confused. Something like this had never happened before. I had a positive thought about myself and it didn’t feel fake. I let myself look in the mirror again, for longer this time.

I look cute today.

There it was again! I walked out of the bathroom, flabbergasted. A positive thought? It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be me. And again, Ed was upon me.

Looking in that mirror, I had a few seconds of myself back. I won a battle today. A positive body thought lets me know I am making progress on my road to recovery.  It may be small, but it served as a reminder that I’m going through all of this for a reason. It may have taken over a year of blood, sweat and tears to get to this place, but I’m excited to be here. Let’s hear it for the small victories!

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

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