When Depression Makes You Tired of 'Taking It One Day at a Time'
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
Tired of fighting to get out of bed in the morning.
Tired of fighting so hard to achieve every little task.
Tired of explaining why I can’t do what I said I would do.
Tired of letting people down. Tired of listening to myself.
Tired of feeling like this.
Every morning, I wake up to another day of fighting, struggling and pushing myself just to survive. Another day of arguing with myself, fighting the urge to give in and do nothing. Another day of feeling worthless and useless.
I’m tired of taking it one day at a time. It doesn’t achieve anything. At the end of the day, there is going to be another day to get through. Then another one. Then another one.
Why should I fight? What’s the point?
I am isolated and alone. Trying to feel. Trying to care. But I don’t.
I don’t care. What difference does it make if I get up? Struggle through the day? Do it all again tomorrow.
What have I achieved? Staying alive? Is this what life is? Painful numbness. Aching loneliness. Misunderstanding. Misjudgment. Endless justification.
Explaining again and again, over and over in an endless repeating cycle. I can’t do it because… I can’t come because… I won’t be there because…
I’m sorry. Sorry I can’t live the way you think I should. Sorry I disappoint you, let you down. Sorry I’m not the person you thought I was.
I’m just so tired.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
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Unsplash photo via David Marcu.