Why I'm Sharing the Burden of My Chronic Illnesses With the World
I don’t like feeling vulnerable and I’m not good at opening up. I firmly believe my problems are my own responsibility. But I have learned this past year there are some things that are too big to handle by myself. So, world, I am sharing my burden with you. My name is Sarah, and I am chronically ill.
I have three chronic conditions – Hashimoto’s hypothyroiditis (an autoimmune disease that attacks and destroys the thyroid), gastroparesis (delayed emptying of the stomach) and dysautonomia (a condition where the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems don’t know how to communicate properly). All three conditions are incurable and all three have limited treatment options. All three conditions have had drastic impacts on my life.
Because of Hashimoto’s, my energy levels are almost nil. I need to nap in order to make it through the day. Gastroparesis caused me to lose 40 percent of my body weight in seven months…because I could not keep anything down, I was vomiting upwards of 20 times a day. It got to the point where I was scheduled for a surgery to place a feeding tube directly into my intestines. Thankfully, we found a medication that works, but has caused a tremendous amount of weight gain in a short period of time. Dysautonomia means almost passing out every time I get up and sometimes needing to use a wheelchair to get around. I have had to delay my life by a year just to try and manage these conditions.
To my friends, I am sorry. I pushed you away instead of letting you in. I was so afraid you would leave me, so I left first. Most of you don’t know how sick I got and that’s on me. I hope we can eventually get back to the friendship we once shared.
To my family, thank you for pushing back, for letting me cry on your shoulder, for supporting me, for celebrating my victories and catching me when I fell. I know how much you worried and how much you care. I literally wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.
I was diagnosed with three chronic conditions before the age of 23. While this isn’t fair, it’s life. And what I’ve learned so far on my journey is that life is much more enjoyable when shared – even the difficult parts. So, world, thank you for letting me share. A burden becomes less of a burden when shouldered by more than one.
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Thinkstock photo via blyjak.