It's Not You, It's My Anxiety


I might glare at you. I might pretend that nothing you say interests me. I might stare off into the distance while you are talking to me. I might disappear into the bathroom for 10 minutes and return with reddened eyes. But don’t worry, it’s not you.

It’s me, or rather, my anxiety.

When most people have a bad day, it is because they are tired or they are fighting with someone they love or they have too much work to do and not enough time. And while some of my bad days are caused by events, most of the time it’s my anxiety that gives me a run for my money.

It might seem to you like everything is perfect. And everything might be perfect. I might have gotten great grades on all my tests and homework and I could be hanging out with friends and having fun, but I’m also terrified of the future. I could be so happy that I can’t stop smiling, but that doesn’t mean my mind isn’t overflowing with fear and worries.

Sure, I can be anxious and have a good day. Sure, I can not be anxious and have a bad day. Just because my head is chock full of worries doesn’t mean that I can’t act like a “normal” human being. And just because you can’t tell I’m drowning in my own thoughts doesn’t mean I am by any means OK.

Don’t ever assume that I am perfectly fine. Don’t ever assume that I am completely in control of the creature in my head called my anxiety. And please don’t ever think that my silence, my glaring or my lack of interest are anything to do with you. Because sometimes, my anxiety ruins my day and there is nothing I can do about it.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via fcscafeine 


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Anxiety

a family going for a hike

6 Tips for Managing Anxiety During Family Gatherings

Every few years, my dad and stepmom get all of their family together for Thanksgiving. For our first gathering, we stayed in Tahoe. I remember taking a really long and wonderful walk with my stepmom and sitting in the hot tub under the stars with my niece. The second time, we went to Santa Barbara. [...]
contributor selfie

What My Instagram Didn't Show About My Struggles With Mental Illness

We live in a time when people tend to think they know almost everything about people. Through constant Snapchats, Instagram posts, tweets, etc., individuals are able to portray themselves however they please. I have fallen victim to this social media trap of portrayal. When posting a selfie, I make sure it’s the best of the [...]
Robot

To the Person With Anxiety Who Wants to Be a Robot

I know what you want. I want it, too. Every morning is an opportunity to achieve it. Every Sunday is a chance to test your dutifully crafted routine. Because this will be the week you nail it. This will be the week you get it right. This week, your New Year’s Eve prayers will be [...]
spiral doodles in blue pen in lined notebook

Why You Should Never Underestimate the Power of the Doodle

My hands are never still.  I can’t recall a time when I was ever truly still, without immediately aching for something to do with my hands.  At school, I persisted in handwriting my assignments long after laptops were acceptable accessories to have in the classroom, just so I didn’t feel like my restlessness was taking [...]