I might glare at you. I might pretend that nothing you say interests me. I might stare off into the distance while you are talking to me. I might disappear into the bathroom for 10 minutes and return with reddened eyes. But don’t worry, it’s not you.
It’s me, or rather, my anxiety.
When most people have a bad day, it is because they are tired or they are fighting with someone they love or they have too much work to do and not enough time. And while some of my bad days are caused by events, most of the time it’s my anxiety that gives me a run for my money.
It might seem to you like everything is perfect. And everything might be perfect. I might have gotten great grades on all my tests and homework and I could be hanging out with friends and having fun, but I’m also terrified of the future. I could be so happy that I can’t stop smiling, but that doesn’t mean my mind isn’t overflowing with fear and worries.
Sure, I can be anxious and have a good day. Sure, I can not be anxious and have a bad day. Just because my head is chock full of worries doesn’t mean that I can’t act like a “normal” human being. And just because you can’t tell I’m drowning in my own thoughts doesn’t mean I am by any means OK.
Don’t ever assume that I am perfectly fine. Don’t ever assume that I am completely in control of the creature in my head called my anxiety. And please don’t ever think that my silence, my glaring or my lack of interest are anything to do with you. Because sometimes, my anxiety ruins my day and there is nothing I can do about it.
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Thinkstock photo via fcscafeine
I am a sophomore in college studying English education. I love writing poetry and fiction and everything in between, both for fun and for school. I have an anxiety disorder and I enjoy finding new ways to cope and to help others cope. I have seen firsthand the effects of mental illness on people who are close to me and I have also seen how our society views people who are neurodivergent. I hope to help someone by sharing my stories and by emphasizing that, no matter how you feel, you are never truly alone.
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