How I'm More Than Just the 'Funny Guy' Despite Hiding Behind It

I think I have always had some form of mental illness. Currently, I am diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder.

This is hard. Daily. Getting out of bed; making sure I don’t disappoint people; trying to “help” others in the effort to help me “feel” better about my existence. I know I am a good person, but feeling worthless.

I personally have hidden a lot of my mental wrestling matches in my life by trying to be funny. Humor puts smiles on the faces around you, but it doesn’t fix your thoughts. It has always been an easy band-aid. Sure, I believe everyone uses humor when they might feel uncomfortable, but this is deeper.

Most days, I try to simply function like a “normal” person.

When I was right out of high school and just getting a taste of “real” life, I found I was being labeled as just the funny guy. Most people assumed I didn’t take things too seriously. In my head, I thought I was the most insightful person around since I couldn’t stop overthinking things. I hated that label. “The funny guy.” It made me feel small. Insignificant.

To this day I feel I am still the funny guy and I will do my best to make life fun. Just know I am more than just fun. I am thoughtful, loving, hopeful, smart, stupid and I need your help so bad. I require expressed love, now more than ever.

Please go hug the “funny guy” in your life. I guarantee it is needed.

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Thinkstock photo via stevanovicigor

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