To My Boyfriend: Please Don't Give Up on Me and My Fibromyalgia
You have done such a great job at making me feel loved lately.
The problem is fibromyalgia can make it really hard to love yourself. I need you to understand some things I think have you confused lately.
This flare has been hard on us.
I want you to know I’m not neglecting my pile of clothes on the floor. It’s growing not because I’m feeling lazy, but because after I do the dishes every morning I need to lay back down for a while. My body is tired.
I want you to know I feel like I’m failing you and I’m failing myself each time I have to climb back under my heating pad while we’re supposed to be cuddling.
I want you to know I hate this kind of attention. I don’t do this because I want to be coddled. I know you can’t see it, but the pain is real.
I want you to know I beat myself up for not sticking to my diet and not hitting the gym regularly. I’m afraid I’ll become ugly to you. I’m afraid I’ll begin to look on the outside the way I feel on the inside.
I want you to know that even though I have spent a lot of time tucked away in a different room, I still love you the same as I always have, if not more, for the simple fact that you are beside me throughout this.
I want you to know I am not giving up, I’m not “playing dead,” I just have to cope for a while.
I want you to know my anger towards you isn’t because of you. It’s because of the pain, and I’m sorry.
Please don’t give up on me, I’m trying not to give up on me too.
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Thinkstock photo via gpointstudio.