Why I Didn't Expect to Meet the Love of My Life While in Eating Disorder Recovery
I met the love of my life during my recovery from an eating disorder. I was unsure of my path, where it was going, how long it’d be and how tough it was going to get. I was in no place to be someone’s rock because I needed one myself. I didn’t think anyone would be able to handle the weight of my mental illness. It’s understandably a lot for someone else to take on. But meeting my partner gave me hope, and he became further motivation for me to get better. He showed me what it’s like to love unconditionally. He showed me how to love someone else and above all, love myself. I met him during a time when I felt I had so much of myself I needed to work on. But when the universe knows you’re meant to be, I believe you can’t avoid it. He wouldn’t have let me go without a fight anyways. All those chances I gave him to run, he didn’t. Instead, he held me closer and reassured me that being next to me is where he belonged.
It wasn’t an easy road for us and I appreciate his reassurance, patience, gentle nature and motivational pep talks. All those nights crying in his arms, hearing his loving words and feeling his heart beat were the best things for me during that time. You see, when you’re recovering from an eating disorder, you’re trying to build yourself up. You’re trying to not doubt yourself as much, to be more confident in yourself and your choices. You’re trying your best to cope with life without self-destructing. During that time, I was always second guessing myself, always apologizing, always unsure of my choices. I still, at times, do this. But he teaches me to worry a little less, to be a little more confident, and to love myself more, so that with time, I do all those things a little less and eventually not anymore.
And to think, I was ready to let go of one of the most important people in my life because of my fear that he wouldn’t accept or be able to handle me while I was at my worst. That was an idea all in my own head. It sometimes goes to show that the best thing to happen to you may find you at a time when you’re least ready for it. But I believe it’s worth it.
Meeting my soulmate taught me to still take chances because it may just be one of the best decisions of my life. It also taught me my mental illness doesn’t take away from the person I am. Even when I think I’m at my worst, someone out there sees me as the best thing for them.
To the love of my life, thank you for continuing to fight for me. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love and hope looks like. It gives me the motivation to fight for myself.
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