My Mind Is Slowly 'Buffering' Because of Brain Fog

It’s maddening, isn’t it, when your internet connection is slow. You watch that little circle with its wavering rays and feel total frustration. I daresay, if your computer had feelings, it would feel frustrated with itself, too.

Well, I am a human being who “buffers.” I have fibromyalgia, and suffer from brain fog. My connection to the world around me at such times is weak. It’s as if my mind is groping in fog, as the nickname for the symptom suggests. It takes longer for me to process things, and it’s very frustrating. I can’t grasp the content of what you’re saying to me, so I may gaze back at you blankly, especially if you subject me to a stream of speech.

I’m trying to process what you’re saying in order to work out my reply. The connection is so slow!

Oh good, I’ve grasped what you’re meaning. I want to say… What do I want to say? What is that word I want to use? I’ve started speaking, but I pause and trail off, staring at you blankly again. In my embarrassment, I might panic and blurt out the wrong word entirely, one which makes no sense in the sentence I have painfully constructed. I see the bewilderment, maybe even the judgement on your face.

Please remember that I am a person. I am a person with fibromyalgia. I can’t help it. I’m buffering. This is not me, not the way I used to be, when words came easily to me. It’s the condition, and what this symptom often does to me. Some days are better than others. Sometimes the connection is stronger. But it’s outside my control, you see. So please, be patient with me until I’m in a better Wi-Fi zone.

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