When You Lose Interest in Everything You Used to Love

When I was 3 years old, my mother put me in dance class. I loved it more than I had ever loved anything in my entire life.

I took lessons one hour once a week.

Until I was about 8.

I took lessons two hours once a week.

Until I was about 12.

I took lessons three hours twice a week.

Until I was about 15.

I switched dance studios. I took lessons four to six hours twice a week.

Until I was about 17.

I switched dance studios.

I quit.

When I was in the sixth grade, I signed up and joined band class. I loved it more than I had ever loved anything in my entire life.

I had class one hour two times a week.

Until I got into eighth grade.

I had class one hour every day of the week.

Until I got into ninth grade.

I had class two hours every day of the week.

Until I got into 12th grade.

I had class three to four hours every day of the week.

Until I decided to major in music my first semester of college.

I had class over eight hours a day every day of the week.

I had lessons once a week that lasted an hour.

I had band two hours a day every day of the week.

I had piano lessons three hours a week.

I had theory five hours a week.

I quit.

When it was my second semester of college, I changed my major to education. I loved it more than I had ever loved anything in my entire life.

I had class five to seven hours a week.

It was easy and more exciting.

Until my second week back.

I wanted to quit.

After losing interest in all of the things that used to bring me so much joy, I sit here and don’t know what else to do with my life. I don’t love it more than I have ever loved anything in my entire life, and it makes me feel like I’m lost.

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Thinkstock photo via Jelliclecat