What It's Like to Fall in Love When You're an Overthinker
This piece was written by Lauren Jarvis-Gibson, a Thought Catalog contributor.
I overthink to an enormous extent. I let these thoughts lie heavy on my chest. I twist and turn as night encloses in on me. And all I can do is think. And think some more.
Some people might say I’m “crazy.” They might tell me to chill or to relax. But the truth is, overthinking and anxiety doesn’t have to plague my life. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative idea when it comes to love.
The thing about “overthinkers” is that we are strong as hell. And we care. Truly care. That’s why we think so much. That’s why we can’t sleep at night. That’s why we worry. That’s why we can’t control our own thoughts.
It’s because we give a damn.
And I can tell you this — I will give you my all. I will give you my blood and tears and sweat with no shame. This is who I am. And I’m not ashamed of it.
I think carefully about the way my partner will communicate with me and speak to me. I think long and hard about the way my partner will laugh at my jokes and smile at me from across the room. I don’t just jump into anything with anyone. I don’t fall in love blindly.
I think so much when I’m falling in love, because I care so deeply for the other individual. I let my thoughts go because I don’t want to lose him or her. I study and observe them until I am exhausted.
But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Because you see, I think long and hard about how to make my partner’s day after a long business trip. I observe what their favorite food is and what their favorite sex position is and what their favorite anything is. And I pay fucking attention.
I notice the way my partner will say my name. I notice the little things they do in order to make me happy. I notice everything about my partner, because I want to know everything and anything about them. I don’t want to hold back and I don’t want them to feel the need to do so either.
Maybe I overanalyze too much. Maybe I drive other people away with my questions and worries and observations. But wouldn’t you rather have someone care more than they care less?
I would do anything for you. I would fight to the ends of the earth just to see you smile. And I will love you until my hearts give out. I will adore you and cherish every part of you. And I won’t apologize for it.
Sure, overthinking can be a pain in the ass. It can be taxing and cause a lot of stress for me. But, I am blunt and bold and beautiful. I won’t hold back anything. I won’t take shit from anyone. I won’t settle.
And when I find the love I’m looking for, I won’t let it go. Because while overthinkers are sometimes seemingly clingy or jealous, I think we are much more than that. I am loyal and I love hard, with no apologies. I may overthink what you say or do, but it’s only because I care. It’s only because I want your life and my life to be even better and more beautiful. It’s only because I give a damn.
And don’t you want to love someone who actually gives a damn?
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock photo via Sean Murphy