The Difference Between Being 'Alone' and Being 'Lonely' as Someone With PTSD
Am I learning to be alone,
or am I drifting into silent loneliness?
Are my mindful days, lack of thoughts and constant urge for change considered “resting,”
or am I flowing into an abyss of blackness?
Is my contentment to be OK with a sparsely-filled calendar,
an awakened new period of self-discovery and growth?
Or am I retreating into stasis?
Is my lack of desire to control the dust on my shelves,
or obsess about the number of times I exercise, “living with ease?”
Or am I lazy?
I wasn’t well enough to be alone the past nine years as I was combatting my symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Now, I’ve been allowing myself to be unscheduled, rest, write, read novels, look forward to things and finally acknowledge how hard I’ve worked to get to this place.
I yearn to be alone for long periods during the day. To sit, rest, and if it happens, deal quietly with the triggers when the skeleton hands of the past try to pull me back down.
Yesterday I wondered aloud if, although content, I was feeling lonely. Today I wake up and understand that yes, I’m content, and also for the first time I’m learning to be OK with being alone with myself.
Thinkstock photo via AnkDesign.
Alexis Rose began her remarkable healing journey in 2009. Sparked by a family tragedy, she began to piece together, for the first time, a personal history of abuse and trauma. Supported by her spirituality and writing, as well as family and friends, she has profoundly grown and changed over the years. While learning to live with the effects of her trauma, and working with the deficits caused by PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), she has co-authored three inspirational books. Her newest book, Untangled, speaks to the courage, resilience, and triumph over her unimaginable hardship. Alexis is an experienced speaker on the topics of living with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. She is also an active blogger who writes about PTSD, Mental Health, and Trauma, with a bit of poetry sprinkled in along the way.
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