When I Told My Husband I Felt Guilty About the Money Spent on My Healthcare
Growing up, Dad and Mom took care of the bills. And when I say bills, I don’t mean the electric or water bills (though they did take care of those as well). What I mean is the enormous amount of healthcare-related bills I acquired over the years for visits to doctors and specialists and for the numerous surgeries I’ve had. As I got older, I began to realize this would be all mine to inherit soon, and eventually, I’d have to bring them into a relationship. Would my future spouse be OK with that? Would we be able to afford it?
Well, I’m married now. I never realized what an emotional challenge it would be to bring my healthcare issues into our relationship. I need expensive glasses and contacts. I visit ear and eye specialists multiple times a year. There are many other doctors I have had to visit throughout the course of our two years of marriage, and then recently, I realized I needed to be seeing a therapist for my battle with anxiety. The guilt and shame of struggling with so many problems was weighing on me a lot. Even though I have great insurance, it was so discouraging to have to see so much of our money go towards me and my issues. However, my husband never griped about it. It was all in my head, being made worse by the anxiety I was dealing with.
Seeing the therapist for anxiety was like the final straw for me. I felt like such a burden. Finally one night, after a particularly frustrating day that ended in an emotional breakdown, I admitted to feeling like such a burden. I felt like I should have everything under control. I mean, we both had jobs, a house, great families, a wonderful church, and yet I was struggling with anxiety on top of everything else. I told my husband through my sobbing that spending all this money on all my problems made me feel guilty.
What he said next completely shattered the fear and shame I’d been carrying. “I can’t think of anything better to spend our money on than you,” he told me. “You being well and happy is my top priority, and I’ll do whatever it takes for you to have that.”
Knowing that truth was so powerful, not only for our relationship, but also for myself. Knowing I am worth the money, the time, and the effort. I am not a burden. So if anyone ever makes you feel that the investment in your health and wellbeing isn’t worth it, know that is never the truth. You deserve to feel as whole as you possibly can feel, and you are worth the time and resources it takes to get there.
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Thinkstock image by mubai