The Line in Kesha's 'Rainbow' I Relate to Most as a Person With Depression
Depression has a way of wringing you out, but somehow, you never get to dry. It can take so much from you – motivation, effort, and sometimes the will to live – and it doesn’t give anything back but emptiness.
And yet, in my experience, people with depression are some of the most empathetic people I’ve ever met.
In retrospect, it makes sense. Who better to understand something horrible and bleak than someone who lives through such thoughts on a regular basis? It’s difficult to imagine yourself in the dark unless you’ve been through it yourself.
When depression takes hold, it’s typical – at least for me – to want to do just about anything to escape the nothingness in your head. For a lot of people, including me, this can mean taking on friends’ problems as your own or throwing yourself behind a cause. Anything to ignore what’s wrong with your own life and mind.
I’ve left pieces of my heart with so many people and places. It makes me wonder if my depression feels like it’s been getting worse because I’ve spread myself so thin and rarely get anything back. If you have a friend who also has depression, it can feel a bit like going in circles.
And yet, you can’t help but continue to give them your attention, all while neglecting yourself.
It’s easy to be the one who says, “I understand,” because sometimes, that’s really all you can do. But in doing so, you leave a little piece of yourself with them. You always do.
That’s why when I heard this line from Kesha’s song “Rainbow,” I immediately burst into tears:
“What’s left of my heart’s still made of gold.”
Depression takes everything out of you, and yet, it’s hard not to reach out to someone and tell them that you get it. Or perhaps you do everything you can to help people, even if it’s just to distract you from what’s going on in your own life.
Maybe everything in your mind is dark and endless, and depression feels like it’s turned your heart to stone – but what’s left of it is made of gold and if you can, use it to reach out and let someone know that you understand.
Perhaps you’ll be their rainbow.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “HOME” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
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