Acceptance is a term used a good bit when I talk about my journey with stuttering with both those who stutter and those who do not stutter. It usually comes up in the context of, “I’ve accepted the fact that I stutter and probably will for the rest of my life,” “How did you accept the fact that you stutter?” or “What does acceptance mean to you?”
For me, acceptance means I do not hide the fact that I stutter, and I am open about talking about stuttering with others. Acceptance means being comfortable with my voice and allowing myself to use it in all situations. Acceptance means I do not let the fear of stuttering prevent me from doing what I want to do.
A few months ago, I was talking online to someone who stutters. He told me, “That’s great that you made peace with it, but I would get rid of my stutter yesterday.” I was taken aback by his statement because I had never equated my acceptance of my stutter to being at peace with my stutter. I responded by telling him I wouldn’t use the word peace when describing my stutter. To me, peace means knowing things are the way they should be and not wanting to change them. I can’t use the word peace because that means I wouldn’t want to change the fact that I stutter. Yes, I have accepted and embraced my stutter, but to say I would deny the magic pill every day would be a lie. Those days are extremely rare and few and far between, but they are still there nonetheless. Because of that fact, I can’t say I am at peace with my stutter.
Maybe one day I can have both acceptance and peace, but for now, all I have is acceptance. And that’s OK. My lack of peace does not and will not discourage me from embracing acceptance or advocating for stuttering any chance I get.
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James Hayden was born, raised, and currently lives in the New Orleans area. He is a New Orleans Saints fan, a Survivor superfan, a writer, and a person who stutters. James is the author of "Dear World, I Stutter: A Series of Open Letters from a Person Who Stutters." His work has been published by The Mighty, The Stuttering Foundation, Stamma, Yahoo, and MSN. James has also appeared on several podcasts, presented at numerous universites and conferences, and was a speaker at TEDxOchsner 2019. He also serves as the chapter leader for the New Orleans chapter for the National Stuttering Association.
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