Acceptance, Peace and Stuttering
Acceptance is a term used a good bit when I talk about my journey with stuttering with both those who stutter and those who do not stutter. It usually comes up in the context of, “I’ve accepted the fact that I stutter and probably will for the rest of my life,” “How did you accept the fact that you stutter?” or “What does acceptance mean to you?”
For me, acceptance means I do not hide the fact that I stutter, and I am open about talking about stuttering with others. Acceptance means being comfortable with my voice and allowing myself to use it in all situations. Acceptance means I do not let the fear of stuttering prevent me from doing what I want to do.
A few months ago, I was talking online to someone who stutters. He told me, “That’s great that you made peace with it, but I would get rid of my stutter yesterday.” I was taken aback by his statement because I had never equated my acceptance of my stutter to being at peace with my stutter. I responded by telling him I wouldn’t use the word peace when describing my stutter. To me, peace means knowing things are the way they should be and not wanting to change them. I can’t use the word peace because that means I wouldn’t want to change the fact that I stutter. Yes, I have accepted and embraced my stutter, but to say I would deny the magic pill every day would be a lie. Those days are extremely rare and few and far between, but they are still there nonetheless. Because of that fact, I can’t say I am at peace with my stutter.
Maybe one day I can have both acceptance and peace, but for now, all I have is acceptance. And that’s OK. My lack of peace does not and will not discourage me from embracing acceptance or advocating for stuttering any chance I get.
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