Woman sitting alone on sunset and listening music.

This Summer, Depression Won't Win Again


Everyone is usually so excited for summer. Warm days, pool parties and the occasional adventure. But these are the things I fear most while struggling with depression in the summer.

Summer means warmer weather, which realistically means less clothing. I hate showing my body. I am not the tiniest girl, but I have gained weight and now I hate showing myself outside my home. I fear judgement, not of others, but myself. I hate looking in the mirror and wanting to look like anything but myself. Depression wins again.

In the summer, girls typically wear tank tops and shorts, but I wear leggings and baggy t-shirts to hide my thighs and my stomach. I don’t dare go swimming for the simply because I would have to wear a bathing suit. I am so uncomfortable with my body. I can’t remember the last time I tried on a bathing suit and smiled back at the person in the mirror. Depression wins again.

I fear adventures and not knowing where I will end up or who I will meet along the way. Long walks make me cringe because I get nervous about crossing paths with a really “fit” girl that will unconsciously make me hate myself. Depression wins again.

Summer may be warm and school free, but for me, it means just another day I have to fight my mental health all over again, only this time around, I can’t hide myself behind my clothes.

 But this summer, depression will not win again.

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Thinkstock photo via adra_savasciogullari

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