What the Voice of Depression Sounds Like
Don’t you wish you could get rid of me? Don’t you wish the medication worked? Don’t you wish you could actually put a genuine smile on your face?
When was the last time you went outside to just breathe and enjoy your surroundings? Why have you been in bed all week, sleeping and losing every ounce of energy? Where are those nice clothes you bought months ago with the tags still on them? How many times this week have you had the energy to take a shower?
I came into your life without warning, or maybe I was developed over time. I make sure you don’t have the energy for anything. I make sure you feel like a burden to everyone in your life. You don’t produce enough serotonin, so here I am.
Oh come on, that’s the fourth time this week you canceled a friend’s plans because you were “suddenly” not feeling well. How does that make your poor friend feel? Oh, now you’re crying because you always do this but you can’t get out of bed anymore.
You feel numb, don’t you? You cried yourself to sleep again last night and this morning your head feels like it’s going to explode. The dark and baggy circles under your eyes are going to take a long time to try to cover up. What happened to your face? You used to have so much color and glow. Your body — oh goodness, when was the last time you had anything but a little snack through the day? Your hair looks as though it’s as dead as how you feel on the inside.
Why won’t I just go away? Why do I haunt you all day? Why are your emotions gone? Your friends ask where you have been or what’s wrong; your reply is that you’re tired or busy. Why won’t you introduce me? Why won’t you tell them who I am or what I have done to you? I wonder if you know who I am.
This happens for months and you can’t take me anymore. You scream and you cry; you tell yourself you can’t continue on like this. You go see a stranger now to tell them about me. You finally tell them what I have done to you and why you cannot have me around anymore. You have no clue who I am, but then they start telling you more about me — things you have never known.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “HOME” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
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Thinkstock photo via oatawa