Surprised by Cancer, Mom Shares Photo and Powerful Reminder Following Diagnosis
The saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” and when you look at the photo of Kirstin Pretorius and her husband Maurice celebrating their 10-year wedding anniversary, there are probably more than a thousand positive words to say about it. But behind the glowing smiles and carefree demeanor, Pretorius was living with breast cancer, and she didn’t even know it.
Pretorius’ breast cancer journey began with the photo, which was taken in June during a vacation to celebrate the couple’s wedding anniversary. According to Pretorius, she had no reason to be alarmed about her health. Her and her husband trained together in a daily exercise program and made it a point to raise their daughters with healthy lifestyle habits.
In this picture, I was living with cancer. I just didn’t know it yet. Ironically, this year marked the peak of my ‘health’ and my fitness. I’ve never felt better, stronger, or more comfortable with myself than I did turning 34. My marriage had never been better and my children were thriving. Everything was beautifully bright. But, despite feeling perfectly well, I went for my routine yearly health check. And that’s when they discovered ‘the limp’. The lump. I look at this picture from a simply blissful family holiday celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary and all I can think is… ‘KIRSTIN how can you not know that there are 3 tumours thriving away in your breast? How can you not FEEL the cancer slipping into your lymph nodes? Why don’t you FEEL sick? How can you be so stupid?!’ But I didn’t know and I didn’t feel. If my doctor hadn’t examined me, I’d still be blissfully unaware, reaching new fitness goals with my body, eating my futile little anti-oxidant high virtually-vegan wonder food diet… I’d be packing my little plastic-free super food school lunches for my girls, lecturing them on healthy lifestyles. I’d be chemically-free cleaning my home wondering why the whole world doesn’t use essential oils. All the while growing and feeding my precious cancer. So check your boobs. Know your body. Cancer happens. To anyone. #breastcancer #breastexam #cancersucks #knowyourbody
But everything changed just weeks after the photo was taken. While at a routine health checkup, her doctor noticed a lump in her breast, which surprised Pretorius as she was always vigilant about her yearly checkup, pap smear and breast exam. She even did her own exams.
“I honestly believed I would have noticed a change in my breast,” Pretorius tells The Mighty. “But I didn’t. It could only be felt when I was lying flat with my arm above my head. I had been checking in the shower before, but now realized I had been doing it wrong all along. Thank goodness I had a doctor examine me!”
The discovery of the lump led to an ultra sound, which led to a mammogram, which led to a painful and extremely stressful biopsy. That led to the call that no one wants to ever hear: the “you have cancer ” call.
Pretorius was diagnosed with breast cancer in her right breast on June 23, 2017.
She was immediately referred to a breast surgeon who booked her for a single mastectomy the following week. With everything moving so quickly, there was little room to grieve with her husband, children and extended families.
“We walked in a fog of numb shock.”
The uncertainty and fear of not waking up after surgery loomed over Pretorius. Discussing implants, saving nipples and putting in expanders, she said, was a nightmare, but thankfully, the surgery was a success.
“I woke up with a new numb boob and a nipple! I was euphoric. I had survived and wasn’t a mutant,” she said.
The euphoria lasted about half a day, which is when her daughters finally saw her. They had missed their mother and had been dealing with nothing but uncertainty since diagnosis, so they all cried together and held onto hope for the future.
After what felt like forever in the week waiting for the results of the surgery, Pretorius was dealt another blow. She had three tumors that collectively amounted to 6 centimeters in width. There was also cancer in one lymph node. Chemo. Hormone therapy for five years. Probably radiation.
“We were left spinning,” she said. “This is long-term. Our life is never going to be the same.”
Today, Pretorius is halfway through three months of chemo. Although it’s a rollercoaster of a ride, she said she takes it one day at a time, thanks to awesome friends who do things like throw her a pre-chemo party.
A supportive father.
And a loving husband.
She also has an amazing sense of humor! One minute she’s saying goodbye to “overrated hair.”
The next, she’s changing personas with wigs.
Poking fun at chemo.
And getting ready to embrace the turban.
But going through chemo does have its dark days, as Pretorius now knows all too well. She admits to never having depression or anxiety before breast cancer, and has to learn how to cope with the negative side effects of treatment.
Pretorius is sharing her cancer story on social media for a few reasons. First, she wants her story to illustrate the importance of regular health checkups and taking charge of your own body. People need to take time to know what’s happening in their bodies, note changes and act on them. To her, early detection is key.
The second reason she wants to stress is that no one is immune to cancer. You can get it despite living a healthy and active lifestyle.
“Everyone is at risk. I was young, fit and extremely healthy prior to diagnosis,” she said. “I didn’t have a family history of breast cancer. I still got it.”
Finally, she wants others to know having cancer doesn’t mean your life is over. She has forced herself to find joy and create positive memories for her children. She drags herself out even when she can’t bare her new reflection.
“Yes, I’ve had to reinvent myself to have the courage to step into the world, but it is possible. It’s still possible to find happiness through the unexpected.”
Today, this full-time mom has two main focuses in life. One is to heal. The other is to raise two beautiful, strong women who can surround themselves by contemporaries who take charge of their bodies and their health care.
Her advice: “Know your body. That’s it.”
You can follow Kirstin’s “Kicking the Big C” journey on Instagram.
All photos courtesy of Kirstin Pretorius’ Instagram page
Trish is the Cancer Editor at The Mighty. She lost her father to stage 4 lung cancer in August 2016, and previously worked at a children’s cancer research organization, so she knows firsthand about the cancer experience. A lover of hip hop music, hot sauce and kimchi, she lives in Maryland with her husband, two dogs, cat and feisty 2-year-old daughter. Check her story out in the book, “A Letter to My Mom.“
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