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Please Consider This Before Asking, ‘Do You Want to Have a Baby?’


“Do you want to have a baby?”

You’d be forgiven for thinking the question was asked by my husband. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked the question by a stranger, friends or family.

Nothing can prepare me for the rush of emotions I experience as I hear it and the sharp chest pain as I try and think of a short answer to this apparently simple question.

It may seem like a “normal” question to be asked; I’m 28, married, with a career, so kids come next, right? Of course, the dream for us is to have a baby, but people don’t understand the impact that question can have on someone.

What people don’t see is the panic and the pain I experience when the question is asked. The rushing of thoughts in my head as I try to say, “Yes, of course I do” for the next question to be “So, why don’t you have any children then?”

Do I tell them the edited version of my journey? Yes, my husband and I would love to have children, and we are attending an infertility clinic to help us achieve this. The lump in my throat suggests I wouldn’t be able to get that sentence out.

Think before you ask the question. Don’t assume that because of age or relationship status that asking the question is any more acceptable. It’s an intrusive question, and I fully understand that you don’t know the back story before asking. But I would kindly ask people to think before they ask.

I am always open about my infertility journey, and even my husband has experienced the same question and felt uncomfortable at answering. I am open to anyone who is genuinely asking, and I hope by sharing my story, other women in my position can relate and know they are not alone.

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Thinkstock image by Szepy