Please Consider This Before Asking, ‘Do You Want to Have a Baby?’


“Do you want to have a baby?”

You’d be forgiven for thinking the question was asked by my husband. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked the question by a stranger, friends or family.

Nothing can prepare me for the rush of emotions I experience as I hear it and the sharp chest pain as I try and think of a short answer to this apparently simple question.

It may seem like a “normal” question to be asked; I’m 28, married, with a career, so kids come next, right? Of course, the dream for us is to have a baby, but people don’t understand the impact that question can have on someone.

What people don’t see is the panic and the pain I experience when the question is asked. The rushing of thoughts in my head as I try to say, “Yes, of course I do” for the next question to be “So, why don’t you have any children then?”

Do I tell them the edited version of my journey? Yes, my husband and I would love to have children, and we are attending an infertility clinic to help us achieve this. The lump in my throat suggests I wouldn’t be able to get that sentence out.

Think before you ask the question. Don’t assume that because of age or relationship status that asking the question is any more acceptable. It’s an intrusive question, and I fully understand that you don’t know the back story before asking. But I would kindly ask people to think before they ask.

I am always open about my infertility journey, and even my husband has experienced the same question and felt uncomfortable at answering. I am open to anyone who is genuinely asking, and I hope by sharing my story, other women in my position can relate and know they are not alone.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock image by Szepy


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Infertility

Email sent from Amazon's baby registry.

Amazon Sends Baby Registry Email to Women With Infertility

On Tuesday, Amazon accidentally emailed customers that an item from their “baby registry” has been purchased and was “on its way.” The email was sent to an undisclosed number of customers, many of whom don’t have registries and aren’t pregnant, including women with infertility. Amazon has since apologized for “any confusion this may have caused,” however, [...]
Woman carrying book in hand while walking on grass outdoors

Trying to Embrace This Round of IVF Treatment

Here I go again — into round two of IVF treatments with another retrieval cycle. It’s daunting, it’s overwhelming, it’s frustrating, it’s confusing, it’s a whole mess of emotions I expected and some I didn’t all rolled into one. Since this is the new normal (for now at least), here’s a list of ways I’m attempting to [...]

When IVF Waiting Feels Endless

As a freelance thespian, I’m used to waiting. The waiting between auditions and callback, or callbacks to cast list postings, can be excruciating. As a fundraiser, I understand waiting. The waiting between when the mailed solicitation drops and when the checks start rolling in. I get it. But IVF waiting is a whole other beast. [...]
Close-up of person wearing jeans and shoes, walking on paved path

Thoughts While Traveling Down the Road of My Fertility Treatment

At 3:30 a.m., I woke up feeling as if someone had a dull, rusty spoon swirling inside my uterus. The pain woke me up and was so intense even a prescription dose of Motrin couldn’t take the edge off. I am used to cramps, but why was this time so intense, so painful? Because I’m [...]