Infertility

Before IVF became part of my life, I thought it was simply a medical procedure.

I thought you met a doctor, followed a treatment plan, and waited for good news.

I had no idea how much of the journey happened long before any treatment started.

What I wish people understood is that IVF is not just about injections, appointments, or laboratory reports. It is about carrying questions that do not always have immediate answers.

It is wondering whether every phone call from the clinic will bring hope or disappointment.

It is learning words you never expected to know, like AMH, embryo grading, ovarian reserve, and blastocyst.

It is realizing that fertility is much more complex than most of us are ever taught.

One thing I wish more people knew is that IVF is not the first step for everyone.

Many people spend months or years trying to understand why pregnancy is not happening. Some discover PCOS. Others learn about endometriosis, male infertility, hormonal conditions, or unexplained infertility.

For many families, IVF becomes one part of a much longer journey.

I also wish people understood that infertility is not something you can always see.

Someone may be going to work every day, attending family events, and smiling in photographs while quietly managing blood tests, scans, medications, and uncertainty.

Many people say things like:

"Just relax."

"Everything happens for a reason."

"At least you know you can try IVF."

Most of the time, these comments come from kindness, but they can make someone feel even more alone.

What many people need is not advice.

They need someone willing to listen.

They need someone to say:

"I'm here for you."

Another thing I wish I had known earlier is that asking questions is not a sign of fear. It is part of taking care of yourself.

Questions like:

What is causing our fertility problem?

What tests do we need?

Are there treatments before IVF?

What should we realistically expect?

How can we take care of our emotional health during this process?

can help patients feel more involved in their own care.

What I wish someone had told me earlier is that information can reduce fear. Learning about fertility treatment options and reading educational material from organizations such as Aspire Fertility helped me understand that infertility is a medical condition with many possible treatment paths, not a journey that looks the same for everyone.

One thing that helped me feel more prepared was learning about fertility treatment options before my first appointment, because understanding the process made it easier to ask questions instead of feeling overwhelmed.

Perhaps the biggest lesson IVF taught me is that people facing infertility are often stronger than they realize.

They learn patience.

They learn resilience.

They learn to keep moving forward even when the future feels uncertain.

Most importantly, I wish people understood that infertility is not a personal failure.

It is a medical condition that affects millions of individuals and families around the world.

And sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is replace assumptions with understanding and replace advice with compassion.

“The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.” Neil deGrasse Tyson. In other words the laws that govern the universe are more constant than our beliefs (opinions of what is right or wrong / should or shouldn’t exist)

The only constant in the universe is change (nature abhors a vacuum / the mind abhors boredom). The clapped out version of yesterday is replaced by the bright, shiny one of today (‘Everything put together falls apart’ Paul Simon). Look at how we change from birth to death, in our appearances and abilities (It’s never the same river twice, content wise, even if it appears so in form).

Everything starts off simple and grows more complex with time. This applies to individuals and societies, before second childhood strikes and breaks down order again, of both mind and body (seeds and the flowering of a civilisation). It is the spring and summer of life versus autumn and winter (the air raid shelter effect of hiding underground until conditions are ripe for growth).

Upper class longevity and infertility versus the lower class breeding like rabbits, is about how those at the bottom struggle to get to the top and those at the pinnacle of success, start to fall back to the bottom again (see also Islam and any group trying to become top dogs themselves as opposed to upholding the established order).

Successful individuals and societies preclude the need for constant and insistent reproduction as losses are not so great and the need for replacements less, unlike with reckless youth and accidents / violence through competition for resources. See John Boorman’s film ‘Zardoz’ for how this relates to falling birth rates and old age survival as imbalance (reason for situation), plus South Korea’s example in the real world too, where reproduction is sloping off. Kingdoms are defensive, masculine monocultures in this context as empires are open, feminine ones (diverse multicultures ).

When communication fails, it's a sign of a society falling apart (no outreach, no connection and therefore no growth or exchange of ideas)

Remember that we are fighting for a better understanding of the present and a better future for us all to look forward to. ‘Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gentle into that that goods night’ (And death shall have no dominion by Dylan Thomas).

Max von Sydow playing death at chess is how we cheat death (The Seventh Seal) by creating solutions that slows down our demise, from the industrial revolution (better housing and sewage disposal for the workers), technological and scientific advances (machines to work for us / cyborg technology to replace damaged organs and limbs / disaster prevention / medical advances etc). 

See also Accumulation / Discharge Cycle by me

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. In church we celebrated all the mothers in the room. Children were asked to hug their mothers and tell them “I love you, mom”. I saw teenagers give bear hugs to women who are younger than me. I sat frozen and held back my tears. I have been feeling waves of jealousy and sadness since then. I’ve cried three times since then.

I love my mother. I am afraid how lonely and alone, empty and devastated I will feel when I am her age and don’t have any children to celebrate Mother’s Day with.

I love you, mom.

#Infertility

Hi, my name is emmalisanne. I'm here because I have bulimia, mosly recovering, but dealing with infertility caused some relapse. I am writing a blog about it and I would love to connect with some people here and get suggestions.
My Story: Bulimia and Trying to Conceive

#MightyTogether #EatingDisorder

Hi, my name is espawn.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Infertility

I’m so tired. I found out a few days ago that I cannot have children, I cannot get pregnant and carry a baby to term, let alone safely.
I have Lupus nephritis- lupus in my kidneys. I have anti-phospholipid antibodies syndrome, infertility is a major symptom of this condition too.
You kind of need healthy, functional kidneys to have a baby, and have blood that functions normally or at least efficiently enough- to carry a baby. I have neither.
People have been telling me “well you can always adopt!” But that’s not the point. Besides, I was adopted when I was a baby. I’ve battled with the difficulty of being adopted- I couldn’t adopt a kid to build my family as I couldn’t help them cope with their experiences when I can barely do the same for myself.
It doesn’t replace the fact that I feel so empty, knowing that I should be able to have a pregnancy. Every other woman on the planet is able to have a baby. Almost every woman on this planet has functioning organs and blood at the very least. I feel like I have failed in every single aspect of life a human could fail in. And on another stupid note, who on earth would want to marry an infertile, chronically ill, medically fragile women?! No one. Or at least not anyone who would fit my standards of basic human decency. I’ve been too disappointed by men who’ve tried to take advantage of me for those reasons.
I’m broken on a cellular level, my organs are broken, my mental health is broken… and now the one thing I was counting on, to complete in my life as a women? I am broken there too. I’m a failure of a woman, and a human. How do you move on in life when your future is wrecked in every single way possible, and it’s set in stone? Every option is awful and I’m so so tired of all of this. #Lupus #LupusNephritis #SystemicLupus #AntiphospholipidSyndrome #Infertility #autoimune #Vasculitis #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Grief #advisemeplease

Content Warnings for Infertility.

Grief is so weird and it's showing up around things I never expected it would. I worked in healthcare during the pandemic. I didn't touch another human being for nine months and when I came out of isolation after the vaccines, all my friends I was close to had moved away and had kids. The ones who stayed had gotten married and also had kids. I went from having a vibrant community to being suddenly left out of things because I wasn't a mom or part of a couple.

I tried reaching out, I shared how lonely I was feeling, and nobody heard me. I went to a "friends vacation" with this entire group. I was the first one who had to leave and when I asked if we could take a group photo before I left, one of them said "Oh, we already took it before you got here." Well, that was the final nail in the coffin for me. I pulled away from them and haven't spoken to some of the people in that group for over two years now. Not a one of them has reached out to ask about where I went or what's happened.

When I started having some weird health symptoms, I went to the doctor and was told that I could have cervical cancer. After testing, biopsies, ultrasounds, and bloodwork, (all of which I navigated alone), it turns out I didn't have cancer, just a hormone imbalance. But I also found out thanks to ultrasound images that it's essentially guaranteed that I'll never be able to have kids. I'm not married, I didn't plan on having kids any time soon even though I'm 34 and my biological clock is starting to tick faster. But to have had the choice taken away from me by my own body has been so hard.

Ever since I found out, it's been so painful to be around my friends who have kids. Seeing them happily married and their adorable families... Seeing that they have what I have wanted for so long and will probably never have. I just feel so alone and so sad all of the time because nobody else in my life understands.They all have their partners and their kids and I'm happy for them, but sad for me, and mad at life for being so unfair. I'm mad at myself for not being more intentional about dating even though I was so focused on my career and school. I've tried online dating but the entire process is exhausting and I get ghosted before I can even get to a first date.

And I feel so ashamed for being so sad. Because I am so lucky in so many other ways. I bought my first home at the age of 30, I'm working in a career that I worked to get into for 5 years, I have a cute dog, and the few friends I do still have are incredible. But it still hurts.

I’ve recently come to the realization that having a baby is something that will happen for me. Everyone keeps telling me to trust Gods plan and that miracles happen but to be completely honest, that makes it harder. Yes miracles happen for some people but keeping that hope alive, living my life in the maybe one day hurts more than just accepting that it will never happen. This is where the guilt comes in. I have 3 beautiful step children that I love so much and we get semi frequently. I know I should be thankful for all of the blessings I already have, but its hard. I love them and I know they love me but I still feel an emptiness. I see all of these pregnancy announcements and I still feel jealous and sad, and I feel guilty for having those feelings. #Infertility