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I Am Sorry I Keep Apologizing for My Mental Illness

I am sorry for being like this. I am sorry for putting this on you. I am sorry for being so selfish.

I was suicidal and really struggling, but I was sorry for telling you. I felt self-centered, like a burden. One of those people who always moan. One of those people who were always negative. I did not think you wanted to hear me talk about myself so I kept silent; I stopped talking.

I am sorry for not answering your calls and not coming out when you invited me. I know I seemed like I was making excuse after excuse, and maybe I was. I am sorry for letting you down.

I am sorry I keep apologizing for this illness — my illness — something I have no control over. Something I should have opened up about a long time ago.

I am sorry to myself for not being proud — proud of how strong I am, proud I am able to fight a battle in my head whilst smiling across to you.

I am sorry I felt ashamed about my illness for so long.

Follow this journey on Pure O and Me.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

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Photo by David Watkis on Unsplash