To My Spouse, From Your Anxious Wife
I don’t always confide in you when I’m experiencing bad anxiety. It’s not always dramatically obvious. Sometimes for me, it’s just needing space and silence to breathe. At times I get buried by my own thoughts and can’t hold a conversation. It’s when I seem standoffish towards you but I’m really just at battle with myself.
When my doctor suggested therapy, I failed to mention this to you. I was not trying to be dishonest. The thought of you seeing me as “weak” or “needy” was too much to handle. I’m a strong person and want to always show that side of myself to you versus the messier side.
My anxiety is the definition of, “It’s not you, it’s me” translated quite literally. It is the fuel that feeds my habit of overthinking. It’s what makes me question my abilities and at times, my confidence. It’s the little nagging voice that tells me you might think someone else is more beautiful, sexy or funny even though I know you are completely faithful.
My head isn’t always a pretty place to be. My intentions are good but my mind fails me at times. Please know that I always have so much love for you at all times even when my feelings are out of order.
Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for sitting with me in the dark when I do not see the light.
Thank you for reassuring me when I’m having irrational fears.
Thank you for loving even the messier side of me.
Thank you for being my rock.
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Unsplash photo via Alexandra Gorn