7 Tips for Navigating the Holidays During Eating Disorder Recovery
Eating disorder recovery can be daunting around the holiday season.
Halloween is centered around candies and pumpkin spice everything. Thanksgiving is centered around food — and way too much of it for most of us. Christmas is centered around cookies, cookies and more cookies.
I enjoy all of these things. I really do. But I know how hard the internal battle is for someone struggling with an eating disorder (ED) during this time of year.
Some people might have a hard time around the holidays because they are uncomfortable with the lack of control that comes with going to another person’s house for dinner and not knowing the nutritional content of each food. They may “hear” their eating disorder’s chatter constantly throughout the night, dictating what they should or should not eat.
On the flip side, others might have a hard time balancing their newfound freedom from their eating disorder (ED) without overdoing it and eating everything in sight.
The holidays may also be difficult for people who don’t have family support or have experienced loss during these times. This alone can be anxiety-provoking, and can make it harder not to retreat to the behaviors that once numbed those feelings.
One of the most triggering things for me is when other people talk about their weight and diets during meal times:
“I’m going to start back on weight watchers Monday, but calories don’t count on the holidays!”
“I feel like I have gained 10 lbs, someone stop me!”
“I’m going to be in a food coma for days!”
“Would you like any more food? Eat more! You’re young! I can’t afford to eat dessert!”
“If only I was [fill in the blank] or looked like [fill in the blank].”
“We’re all going to have to go on a juice cleanse after this dinner!”
“Why haven’t you tried my homemade stuffing, my pecan pie or my rosemary garlic potatoes?”
“I’m not going to eat for two days.”
“Have you lost weight?”
“You have a very healthy looking plate…”
As I type these words, I feel my blood boiling. The reality is, the holidays are often a toxic environment for those who are going through recovery, but it shouldn’t be that way. We fight each day, over many months (and sometimes years), to practice mindful recovery and implement the strategies we have learned from our treatment team. Recovery may be going well or not so well; but regardless, the holiday season can be a bump in the road for many people in eating disorder recovery.
Here are seven tips to help ease your anxiety around the holiday season:
1. Eat Breakfast
Eating breakfast will set you up for success, especially on days like Thanksgiving. Regular meals will help regulate your blood sugar so that you aren’t starving before the largest meal of the day, whenever that may be. When we come into meals having restricted food for a period of time, we have a tendency to eat more than we need. Eating breakfast or small snacks throughout the day will help you tap into those hunger and fullness cues with a little more ease. Fasting before Thanksgiving is never a good option, especially for someone in recovery.
2. Establish Healthy Boundaries
It’s OK to say no. Saying no was hard for me to learn in the beginning of recovery because I like to people please at times. If your grandma Susie can’t forgive you for not having an additional piece of her homemade pie, that’s her problem, not yours. Do what you need to do for you and your recovery. Follow your meal plan, but also allow for flexibility if you want to venture out and try something new. It’s also OK to say “yes” to a second cookie if that’s what your body genuinely wants.
3. Walk Away
There may be some conversations that are triggering or unhelpful to your recovery. It’s OK to excuse yourself and walk away. Join a different conversation, play with the kids in your family, pet the family dog, or go outside and get some fresh air. This will give you time to cool off and protect you from getting sucked into the negative talk.
4. Embrace the Unknown
One of the most terrifying things about the holidays is the lack of control that comes with them. Your schedule is often not as consistent as normal. You are exposed to many foods that you may have not allowed yourself to touch in years. You don’t know how much butter or sugar went into the sweet potato casserole, and that’s OK. It’s good for you — good for us. Let go of ED’s control, embrace the unknown,and savor the food that is nourishing your body.
5. Identify Your Safe Person
The holidays are filled with many “fear foods:” butter, sugar, fat, carbs and more carbs (you get the picture). Some of these foods can induce very real anxiety when you are in recovery. It’s helpful to identify at least one person who understands this, who is safe and trustworthy and knows that this day very well could be a difficult one for you. Sit close to them. Explore different foods with them. Ask them to hold you accountable. Voice your concerns to them throughout the day. Let them know how they can best help you in your recovery on that day.
6. Show Yourself Grace
Even people who aren’t in recovery struggle with their diet during the holiday season. Most people overeat on Thanksgiving. It’s almost “normal” not to in our culture. But with someone who struggles with body image and an eating disorder, this can be even more difficult. Show yourself grace. Each day, you are doing the best you can. During the holidays, you will do the best you can. Each year, it gets easier to manage anxiety around mealtimes and eat intuitively. You will get there. But for the time in-between, show yourself the same grace and compassion that you would show someone else.
7. Focus on What You’re Thankful For
It’s really easy to forget everything that we have to be thankful for when we are so consumed by the not-so-great things in our lives. Life is hard, there’s no doubt about it. However, even on the darkest, most difficult days, we can find something to be thankful for in our hearts. Here are a few things I am thankful for this holiday season:
- I am thankful for where I am in recovery and how far I have come thus far.
- I am thankful for friends and family that support me and love me.
- I am thankful that my struggles have been used to encourage other people.
- I am thankful that I have access to food that nourishes my body and gives me life.
- I am thankful to be loved by a God that sent his own son to die for me.
Put your recovery first, embrace the unknown, face your fears, show yourself grace, focus on what you are thankful for and enjoy the time you get to spend with loved ones.
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