The Pain of Losing Two of My Loved Ones to Ovarian Cancer


I am a granddaughter and a daughter of ovarian cancer victims. Yes, both my lola and my mom shared the same disease. A disease which has a high probability that I, too, may acquire.

It was not easy to be the one who’s always left by loved ones. The loneliness is unbearable. It drowned the life out of me.

Recently, I went through the pain of saying goodbye to my best friend, my mom. She just finished her fourth of six chemotherapy sessions, and the second cycle. And she had just celebrated her birthday.

Being always away because of work, I went home to organize a Thanksgiving for her. She was happy seeing family and close friends gather in her honor. But in the middle of the party she told me she was tired, and so I accompanied her to the master’s bedroom. In there, she told me things that only people in their sick bed utter.

I wasn’t able to hold back my tears. Emotions were so strong I told her I wasn’t ready to let go of her. Not yet. Not ever. She has to fight. She still has to fight. For me. For my siblings. For dad.

She was getting weak day by day. My leave for work will soon be over.

Just before my dad drove me to the airport, my mom and I had a long embrace — which we used to do when I was growing up. We did this especially in the morning after waking up. We usually embrace each other before going to the dining table for breakfast. We did that thing on the day I was leaving for work as she was sitting on the couch.

I cried again. I remembered clearly she told me not to cry for her. And so, I did cry. A lot.

I told her she has to be there when I get home after three weeks to celebrate my birthday.

Two weeks passed. I received a call from my aunt that I have to come home soon because my mom was rushed to the hospital. I quickly booked the earliest trip home.

On my way, I was praying fervently that I would see her and would still be able to talk to her. As soon as I got to the room, I saw her with an oxygen mask on. My dad spoke to her with cheer on his voice that I had come and was there.

I was crying as I approached her bed. I held her hand. I told her to squeeze back. I whispered to her and begged her to hold my hand. The only response she made were the tears that kept on rolling down her cheeks.

Clarissa Blanca Loterte and family

The nurse came in to check her vitals. The doctor followed soon and told us that my mom will expire in minutes. We all cried. The room was filled with sorrow. We kissed her and said our goodbyes. She waited for me.

Then she was gone.

To this day, whenever I think of her, I can’t control shedding a tear or two. There’s never a time I don’t cry whenever I talk about her. It still hurts.

It hurts losing my best friend.

It hurts losing my mom.

I will never move on with this heartache.

I love you so much, mom. And I miss you, a lot. I will see you soon.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Getty Images photo via Tharakorn


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Ovarian Cancer

Christina Applegate feature

Christina Applegate Had Her Ovaries and Fallopian Tubes Removed

In an exclusive interview with Today.com, Christina Applegate revealed she had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed in an effort to prevent ovarian cancer. She also discussed her previous breast cancer diagnosis and how it has affected the way she raises her daughter. “My cousin passed away from ovarian cancer in 2008. I could prevent [...]
comic of female mouth talking

I Had Ovarian Cancer, and This Is Why I Need to Talk About It

Since my ovarian cancer diagnosis, I have received many different responses from people who have heard my story. “Oh! I am so sorry you went through that.” “Are you OK?” “It’s so wonderful the surgeon removed it all.” “Let’s focus on the fact you are cancer-free.” “Mind over matter, right?” I completely understand people mean [...]
Propagation of Inner Thoughts

Why I'm Facing More Than One 'Fight' Because of Ovarian Cancer 

When I first heard the words, “You have cancer,” I was shocked. I could not wrap my mind around those words. I immediately thought I would need chemo, as an extra measure to make sure all of the cancer was gone after the surgery. It turns out my surgeon removed the entire cyst (and the tumor [...]
Grunge, golden girl sketch

Ovarian Cancer Changed My Plans and Perspective on Life

Several weeks before my ovarian cancer diagnosis, I was walking across the stage at my masters graduation. I had a plan. I was going to take the summer off of work and finish my masters thesis. I was going to fix my resume and I was going to send it out to as many jobs [...]