The New Year's Resolution I'm Making for My Anxiety
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s. This end-of-the-year holiday season can bring anxiety to many, for many reasons. For me, the anxiety of choosing a New Year’s resolution and then mentally preparing to stick with a goal brings additional anxiety. It’s a time I transfix on my regrets of the past year, and constantly analyze what I think I should have done. As a person who has struggled and lived with depression and anxiety for over a decade, here is my first public New Year’s resolution, and the reason why I want to share it.
I don’t share my feelings or emotions often. I’m often afraid I will be judged or rejected.
As a single female, mental illness affects my dating life or lack thereof. On one hand, the voice of depression tells me to stay inside and don’t leave the comfort of my circle of friends. And on the other, the voice of anxiety tells me I’ll get rejected if I do put myself out there.
I have never been able to admit my attraction to someone I liked. Time and time again, I’ve had feelings for a man and never did anything about it. Then I would find out he is in a new relationship, and feel regret over not saying or doing something. Each time this happens, this regret becomes harder and feels more like a rejection.
So here is my New Year’s resolution: This year, I will be honest and forthcoming with my emotions and desires in my personal life. I’m no longer going to keep my feelings and emotions hidden, afraid of rejection. I’m going to share my feelings, admit my attraction, ask someone on a date. I’m going to do all the things my anxiety tells me not to do.
Next year, I may still be single, or I may be in a relationship. But regardless, I want to look back and be able to say I wasn’t afraid, that I tried and that I gave it my all. This future personal growth is why I’m making this resolution.
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