15 Tips for Dealing With Grief, By a Mental Health Professional
I am 35 years old and write from experience. Many people assume a young person can’t possibly have life experience at this age. Let me tell you a little about what I’ve been through as a result of my own struggles with mental illness:
People do die as a direct or in-direct result of mental health disorders. At my current age of 35, I have lost more than 15 personal friends to death by suicide, medical complications from drug addiction, eating disorders, and terminal illness. All of those people were under the age of 35 at the time of their death.
This is what I’ve learned about death and grief:
1. People do die from mental illness.
2. Death is unpredictable.
3. Sometimes you don’t grieve.
4. Being numb after experiencing the loss of a friend or a family member is normal.
5. There is no right way to grieve, and there is no timeline for grief.
6. Sometimes you grieve before someone has died, and sometimes you grieve 10 years later.
7. Reminders are present at an unpredictable rate.
8. It’s OK to grieve for people you did not know well.
9. Sometimes you take out hurt on yourself or feel the urge to. Self-destructive urges are normal, but if you have these, please ask for help from a family member, friend, mental health profession, or call 911.
10. You will have questions about the meaning of life and the reasons for death.
11. You are not alone. Nobody is immortal, and we all die so chances are someone else in your life will be able to relate to what you’re going through.
12. Some deaths may have been preventable, but it is not your fault. There are always other factors that have contributed.
13. Grief comes in waves. Acute grief and pain can and do lessen.
14. Moving on does not mean forgetting.
15. You deserve to care for yourself and be happy.
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If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.
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Caroline graduated in May 2017 with a Master’s degree in Social Work from Washington University in Saint Louis with an Individualized Concentration in Clinical Mental Health and Research. Caroline is currently working toward licensure under the clinical supervision of Tamara Hoyt, MSW, LCSW, CEDS. Recently, Caroline has established an LLC and has worked as a Crisis Intervention Clinician at Behavioral Health Response in St Louis, MO. Caroline is versed in crisis intervention, behavioral and psychodynamic approaches and evidence-based practices for the treatment of trauma and eating disorders. Caroline primarily utilizes a person-centered, strengths-based, integrative approach in practice. As a student, Caroline’s research and clinical education have surrounded focuses on the treatment of trauma, “complex” trauma, dissociative disorders and eating disorders including course work in the psychodynamic treatment of trauma, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Prolonged Exposure Therapy, and the impact of trauma on sexual and interpersonal relationships. She completed a research-oriented foundation practicum in the Department of Anthropology under Associate Professor and psychotherapist, Dr. Rebecca Lester. Her concentration practicum was at the Schiele Clinic at St. Louis Psychoanalytic Institute. Caroline is active with a number of eating disorder organizations and is passionately involved in policy-making, research, education, outreach, and fundraising, and holds professional memberships through a number of international, national, and community organizations. Caroline has a Bachelor’s degree in psychology with prior clinical experience working with individuals with eating disorders, personality disorders, developmental disabilities, substance use disorders and mental illness. Caroline also enjoys freelance writing and playing the piano in her spare time.
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