What I Found When I Looked Back at My 2017 New Year’s Resolutions
Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741741.
The new year is a great time to reflect on the previous year and make resolutions for the following year. I have fallen into this trap time and time again, and last year I posted quite a lengthy post with mine. I looked back to what I posted a year ago and of course felt silly.
I talked about how I watched my life and didn’t really dig in. I gained weight and paid for a gym membership that I didn’t really use. I also talked about how I carelessly ate and drank but assured everyone I would not give up drinking as this is “crazy talk.” I also stated that I had planted the garden and watched my husband tend to it. I ended it proclaiming that in 2017, I would challenge myself, get healthier and focus on the people (and animals) whom I love.
So here’s what actually happened in 2017…
Well, I continued to gain weight. Also, for most of the year, I continued to carelessly eat/drink. I planted that garden again, and my husband tended to it again. I do feel like I may have watered it a couple of times though. Consistency is important, right?
Now, time to come clean. I spent most of 2016 and 2017 in a “rut.” OK, I won’t sugarcoat it anymore — I was depressed; I am depressed. I now realize the eating and drinking was self-medication. I didn’t really see a point in watering the garden and the gym felt like a mountain not worth climbing. I hid my depression from mostly everyone and I think I excel at this. (Years of practice). I was able to function reasonably at work, until I wasn’t. It was the last thing I started to lose control over. I started losing more sleep over work, then was having more trouble concentrating and felt like I was barely keeping it together.
Going back to my 2017 lofty goals:
Focus on the people and animals whom I love.
Although the 2017 I envisioned didn’t happen the way I hoped, in a roundabout way I did meet my goals. Depression challenged me to the point where I finally let go and started to give in and get the help I needed. I’m not as healthy as I would like to be, but at the end of 2017 I started to exercise more and stopped drinking. I have also realized that unless I am in a good place, I won’t be present enough with those whom I love and my life in general.
So, in conclusion, life generally doesn’t go the way we plan, but sometimes things need to fall apart so we can rebuild with a stronger foundation. Also, resolutions aren’t the be-all and end-all, but it does help to have goals to strive for in the new year.
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Getty Images photo via KatarzynaBialasiewicz