To My Mother, Who Loves Me on My Worst Days With Depression

When I’m anxious or in dark space, surrounded by nothing but anger and sadness from my depression, I snap at you. You could ask me a question and my tongue acts faster than my brain does. I use words like daggers and throw them at you, but I’m not really aiming for you. I have all of these dark feelings, and there’s no where for them to go, and so often they hit you.

And you’re amazing for still loving me on my worst days. You’re amazing because even though in the beginning when neither of us really understood what was happening to me, and you were angry at me, you were still there. You still loved me when I was hard to love.

You made me get help when I was falling apart. You took me to doctor’s appointments, and bought me the medications that saved my life. When school became too much, you picked me up and let me try again the next day.

You got frustrated, but you held me as I cried. You did everything you could to make me feel better, and I know that when that wasn’t enough, you blamed yourself, but I want you to know you shouldn’t. My brain isn’t working in my best interests right now, and that’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault.

Thank you for being my mom, and thank you for loving me even though it’s hard sometimes. Thank you for loving me on days when everything irritates me. Thank you for loving me on the days where the only thing I can do is cry, and most of all, thank you for loving me every day.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Getty image via SVPhilon

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Major Depressive Disorder

woman glasses

The Surprising Way I Cope With Feeling Depressed

I have a running joke that librarians must really wonder about me. If you were to take look at my reading list, you’d mostly find books on true crime, biographies of people who escaped cults, war accounts and so on. Likewise if you browsed through my viewer history, you’d find I watch lots of documentaries [...]
Pile of dirty utensils in a kitchen washbasin

The 2-Minute Rule I Use When I'm Too Depressed to Clean the Kitchen

Keeping things orderly is not my strong suit, especially when I’m dealing with depression. While all areas of my home suffer, no area suffers more than my kitchen. Dishes pile up, clutter is not organized and surfaces are not wiped down. Of course over time it only becomes worse, making it all the harder to [...]

To the Man Who Loves Me Through My Depressive Episodes

Please know that even when it seems like I’m not listening or I don’t care, I really do — my distraction isn’t a sign of disinterest. Please don’t feel guilty about not being there when I need you because in your own way, you are. Little things that don’t seem like much to you, mean [...]
Black shadowed background, focus on mother hugging her baby and looking sad.

10 Things Not to Say to a Mother Fighting Depression

I have friends and family who want to help me manage my depression. They just don’t know how — that’s not their fault. So I came up with a list of 10 things not to say to a mother fighting depression. I hope it helps those close to us as well as other people who aren’t [...]