How to Love a Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder
I don’t act out to upset you or for attention. I do it because it’s in me, it’s who I am. I don’t mean to hurt you. I don’t mean to stress you out nor do I mean to cause you any pain. I’m not “crazy,” I’m just different. I function differently than you. My brain is actually different, you need to know that.
Loving someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) isn’t all bad. It’s isn’t just 10 texts of me panicking over something or me questioning you. It will be thrilling, exiting and I’ll love you harder than you’ve ever been loved. You’ll experience things with me you never thought were imaginable. BPD isn’t all bad. With me, you’ll experience love in a different light, you’ll feel wanted, needed. For me it’s like electric coming from us both. It will be fiery and full of energy and it will make your head spin.
You’ll be amazed that you’re loved so much by someone.
People say don’t fall for someone with BPD because they lie, they control, they manipulate — the list goes on. But that isn’t always true — that isn’t who we are, that isn’t who I am.
I will overthink, I will get scared, I will need reassurance. It isn’t because I don’t trust you, it’s because I have trust issues.
What I need is for you to love me, to love me back. I need you to tell me you love me and show me you do. I’m not asking for flowers and holidays, I’m asking for kisses. Or a message asking if I’ve eaten or showered today.
BPD makes me feel emotions 10 times more extremely than most, so the people and things I love — I love more. The things I enjoy — I enjoy more. I am passionate, affectionate and caring. I can physically feel pain when someone is upset, I care so much about helping people and making everyone happy. I am not some nasty person who will lie to you to keep you around.
To love me, you must love my illnesses. You must love my imperfections. You must embrace them with me and help me understand there is a light at the end of this black tunnel I’ve been walking down my whole life. Because deep down I know it too — I’m just scared.
Having BPD doesn’t just affect a relationship. It affects me too — most people forget that. People fixate on the fact people with BPD cannot (in their opinion) have relationships with people. Which is untrue. Sometimes I’ll be so low I may not wanna brush my hair for a week, then I’ll break down because I haven’t brushed my hair. Sometimes I’ll hate myself so much I will feel like I shouldn’t be here. Sometimes my head will race so much with so many different thoughts, it will physically hurt me.
Having BPD is not loving myself enough. Having BPD for me means trapping other people’s opinions in my head and fixating on them. Having BPD for me is living with the crushing fear of abandonment and hoping and praying desperately it won’t happen again.
I need you to know this isn’t your fault. I need you to know I’m sorry for not trusting you even though you haven’t give me one reason not to. I need you to know my past has made me this way. I don’t blame you.
Things for me are either black or white — with no in-between. I’m sorry this is all so confusing, I’m sorry for all the bad times. I just hope you stay a little longer to see what can happen.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Getty Images photo via Rohappy