What I'm Experiencing When I Say ‘I’m Dizzy’


Summer 2016. The humid air is irritating me. I take out my phone to check the temperature. 38 degrees. Gosh. The weather is killing me.

Suddenly, my ears start to feel numb. Cold sweat is dripping profusely. It’s so hot but my hands turn very cold and shaky. I look around and everything start to move. Without looking at the mirror, I’m certain that I’m already pale as a sheet.

An earthquake? No, no, it’s not.

I need some air. I step away from my computer and run to the electric fan while I am swaying and rocking uncontrollably. I turn it on and run to the couch to lie down flat. I’m hyperventilating, but I am trying my best to breathe slowly and deeply while I am pulling my hair and massaging my shoulders. I notice that the ceiling is swaying like it’s about to fall on me. The floor is tilting and swaying. I’m so scared to fall.

My vision is lying is to me. This is just an illusion. I know that everything is steady. No earthquake. Nothing is moving.

But my mind, vision and body feel that it’s so real.

It’s another full-blown flare.

This was one of my embarrassing episodes. This is how it feels. Almost.

It’s hard to describe it to a healthy person without getting a blank stare or the “you’re just exaggerating” look. Well, honestly, words are not enough.

Fellow spoonie, the world may never fully understand and it’s OK. Be grateful for the few people who love and support us no matter what.

Be grateful for the good days. For the things that we’re capable to do.

Take care of yourself. And no…You don’t owe everyone an explanation.

Just be you!

Getty Image by LFO6


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