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The Joy of Peeing Your Pants at Work

Many women of a certain age know the frustration of having a weak bladder.

If you’ve had a child, you may understand the need to cross your legs every time you sneeze. Coughing, laughing and even running can all be precarious activities in the incontinence department.

Now try vomiting.

I have gastroparesis, a paralyzed stomach, which causes frequent vomiting. I also have the aforementioned weak bladder. The two make an almost comical combination.

At the beginning, I would hug the porcelain throne with a towel between my legs to catch the gush that came with every heave. Then I got sick at work. There was no way I was going to put my face anywhere near those toilets, so I chanced it and stood as I puked.

I didn’t pee myself!

Suh-weet! Now I had an ace in the hole to control the towel shortage in my home.

This worked for quite some time.

Until one day it didn’t.

I was at work and got sick. Maybe it was the force behind the heaving, but to my horror, I felt a gush.

No! Not here!

I was trying to so hard to stick it out at work, regardless of the vomiting, but my bladder had other plans. My bladder was apparently ready to go home. Can I use my bladder’s PTO, please?

Now sometimes standing works, but mostly it doesn’t.

Is it time for diapers? Am I really at that point? I thought for sure I would be changing my grandchildren’s diapers before having to change my own.

I suppose life just couldn’t be that simple, could it?

Follow this journey on The Not So Simple Folk.

Getty image by mheim3011