Why This Mother's Day Matters After Having a Miscarriage
I am writing this because this Mother’s Day is a very important one for me. This will be the first Mother’s Day I celebrate, but not for the reason you would think. I’m not pregnant, or planning on having a child for quite some time. But, I’m finally accepting that my miscarriages were real, and they matter.
I miscarried very, very early in both pregnancies. At the time, I thought since I was barely even pregnant, that it didn’t really count as a loss. I know now I was dealing with the trauma of miscarrying by myself at such a young age. I was scared, with no one to turn to. My boyfriend at the time just didn’t want to think about it, so we never spoke about it out loud. After breaking up with him and doing some major soul searching, I finally began to think about the life that grew within me.
No matter how short my child’s life was, I firmly believe that my little loves’ energy was formed. In recent months I’ve almost embraced the relief I feel from coming to terms with the loss I had, the loss I never properly grieved. I have started to accept the fact that it is OK for me to cry on Mother’s Day. It is OK for me to mourn the loss of the babies I did not grieve for so long.
I am OK with the fact that a child just wasn’t part of the universe’s plan for me at the time, and I’m grateful for the journey I am on, but that will never change the love I have for two miracles I have never laid eyes on.
To my little loves, I can’t wait to meet you in the next life.
To anyone struggling with fertility issues/miscarriages/child loss, my heart breaks for you. You are never alone.
Our babies matter; our stories matter.
We are mamas, no matter what.
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