Why This Mother's Day Matters After Having a Miscarriage


I am writing this because this Mother’s Day is a very important one for me. This will be the first Mother’s Day I celebrate, but not for the reason you would think. I’m not pregnant, or planning on having a child for quite some time. But, I’m finally accepting that my miscarriages were real, and they matter.

I miscarried very, very early in both pregnancies. At the time, I thought since I was barely even pregnant, that it didn’t really count as a loss. I know now I was dealing with the trauma of miscarrying by myself at such a young age. I was scared, with no one to turn to. My boyfriend at the time just didn’t want to think about it, so we never spoke about it out loud. After breaking up with him and doing some major soul searching, I finally began to think about the life that grew within me.

No matter how short my child’s life was, I firmly believe that my little loves’ energy was formed. In recent months I’ve almost embraced the relief I feel from coming to terms with the loss I had, the loss I never properly grieved. I have started to accept the fact that it is OK for me to cry on Mother’s Day. It is OK for me to mourn the loss of the babies I did not grieve for so long.

I am OK with the fact that a child just wasn’t part of the universe’s plan for me at the time, and I’m grateful for the journey I am on, but that will never change the love I have for two miracles I have never laid eyes on.

To my little loves, I can’t wait to meet you in the next life.

To anyone struggling with fertility issues/miscarriages/child loss, my heart breaks for you. You are never alone.

Our babies matter; our stories matter.

We are mamas, no matter what.

Getty image by Archv


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Miscarriage

cardinal sitting in a tree

Miscarriage: A Different Kind of Loss

Loss is a difficult truth to navigate. When we lose someone we loved, we can feel emotions we aren’t normally accustomed to feeling. Every feeling, like pieces of a puzzle, are part of the grieving process to heal. Grief is an undeniable fact of life, but that doesn’t make it easier. When we lose, we [...]
Woman comforting desperate hopeless friend, view from above

Why Minorities Who Experience Miscarriage Need Better Access to Mental Health Care

I have constantly harped on the need for mental health professionals to undertake training for minority cultures, or at the very least have an overview of how to best help. Based on my discussions with social workers, community psychiatric nurses and even psychologists, the current system has little to offer. I think this needs to [...]

What ‘This Is Us’ Got Right About Miscarriage

There’s never an easy way to tackle a tough subject such as miscarriage, but the show “This is Us” handled it pretty well in my opinion. If you watch the show, you know that a few episodes back, we learned that Kate found out she was pregnant. I saw the episode a few days after [...]
rebecca from this is us crying in the grocery store

What 'This Is Us' Got Devastatingly Right About Losing a Baby

“This Is Us” spoilers ahead… On Tuesday night, I tuned into “This Is Us” where I proceeded to bawl my eyes out as we watched Kate go through something that 1 in 4 women go through: a miscarriage. At the end of the previous week’s episode, we were given a glimpse of what this week’s [...]