Miscarriage

Do you know that feeling of... well, nothing?
When everything - every memory, every feeling - is just so much that you shut down?

When you want to cry, but you can't?

Having that feeling right now.
I woke up to a dream of miscarriage.
I've lost what could have been my first child because I was forced to have an abortion by someone I thought I knew prior, but who raped me and then did this on top of it.
Worst thing is that as much as this child was a product of rape, I never wanted to kill any child of mine by abortion.
Because it was not at fault for what had happened. And yet I ended its life through taking two pills. I even caught it when it came out and buried it in my backyard.

I was so alone through all of this. My family still doesn't know a thing and I'm scared to tell them. Because - hey, life sucks sometimes - my father was diagnosed with uncurable cancer two months prior to the rape and then died at the end of last year too. A year prior both my last grandparents died. And before and in between so much death of my animals, I can't start to list it here.

In addition to that, I will have to take a leadership role in an organization I am in and just feel very inadequate and as if everyone else would be a better qualified fit than me. And I'll have to take an exam to qualify myself further in a completely unrelated area soon. But in addition to not feeling secure in how to talk correctly in the exam, I got so many negative comments about things I did wrong while practicing.

I'm really questioning if I am worth anything and if I should even attempt the exam and that role. It's like I'm destined to fail.

And somehow I'm just subconciously waiting for the next shit to turn up and destroy me all over again. Sometimes I'm just tired.

#Grief #Miscarriage #Cancers #Trauma #PTSD #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth

I am Pro choice and I think people who decide to go through with it need support. It’s a tough decision to make regardless of the reasons why they decided to choose that route. Pregnancy is more than bringing a life into this world for many women. Women who choose to not go to term need just as much support as those who go full term and opt for adoption. The stigma needs to be broken as abortion has been going on for centuries before laws around women’s reproductive rights have been enacted. #MentalHealth #Miscarriage #Depression #Anxiety #Loneliness

I'm a 32 year old married woman and I have two cats. I have many health conditions that overlap symptoms that range from quirky to debilitating. #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AuditoryProcessingDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ADHD #Hypothyroidism #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder #PTSD #Abuse #Miscarriage #Grief #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder
I believe in functional medicine and treat my conditions/symptoms with a combination of herbal teas, natural supplements, prescription medications, spiritual and mental health practices. I'm currently seeking an EDS diagnosis and having trouble finding resources. I want to avoid Florida if I can, but so far it seems like my only option 😑 I'm so happy to talk with people who know what it's like to survive many things and still try to live.