How This P!nk Song Helped Me Process My Lyme Disease Frustration
Lyme can make you feel really angry and frustrated. Life careens out of control as your body changes and everything gets painful. Now symptoms are just something I have to manage as part of my life. Before I understood, I felt at odds with my body and my world.
The words from the P!nk song, “Don’t Let Me Get Me” expressed exactly how I felt. The song is about teenage angst and the enormous frustration of not fitting in or being recognized as an individual. I connected to these words as an adult with Lyme.
”Doctor, doctor, won’t you please prescribe me somethin’ A day in the life of someone else? Cause I’m a hazard to myself,” encapsulates the helplessness I felt early on my Lyme journey.
Rumblings of autoimmune disease with no clinical diagnosis made me feel like a hazard to myself. Everything I tried made me sicker. Mysterious symptoms, doctor’s appointments and misinformation formed my years before diagnosis and treatment.
“Doctor, Doctor, Won’t You Please Prescribe Me Somthin'”
We are so used to prescriptions healing our ills. We go to the doctor, they tell us what is wrong and they give us a pill to fix it up. That is so wonderful when it works. It can be tough when there is no “simple” pill. I went years trying simple pills for the ill of the moment. Things kept getting worse in a downward spiral. Finally I went outside the system and paid for the testing to identify bacterial infections that had taken up residence in my body and subverted my immune system.
For me it was a relief to understand the source of the problem and why immunosuppressive therapy was not the way for me to go. Then prescriptions, antibiotics, IV vitamin C, and medications were written, but didn’t cure me.
“A Day in the Life of Someone Else”
I wished for a day in the life of someone else more than a few times. Lyme can bring you to the brink of what anyone can bear. When facing the challenges of being me was at the limit of what I could handle, I would wish for a day or a moment without pain. But Lyme actually can also give you the gift of a day. Every once a while in the beginning, I would have a day where I felt good even normal. I could focus and get things done. It was like waking up a new person.
Now I am better and more days than not are feeling great days. But I still listen to “Don’t Let Me Get Me,” or sing it loudly in the car. It reminds me of the challenges I faced. It makes me laugh, think and come to terms with what is. Act in my own best interest. Be my own best friend rather than my own worst enemy.
“I am a Hazard to Myself”
Lyme taught me about how dangerous being a hazard to yourself can be. When I was finally diagnosed with Lyme disease, I was very overweight, out of shape, inflamed and exhausted. This added extra burden to my recovery journey.
I know that good self care is critical for the feeling great days to continue. Simple things like sleep nutrient dense food and self acceptance make a huge difference in my world. I am no longer a hazard to myself, I am actually starting to get me.
Image courtesy of P!nk’s Facebook page