What It Feels Like to Be Broken Up With When You Have Depression
It is amazing what the body can still do, even when you feel the most broken. I have depression and anxiety and was recently broken up with. It was my first real relationship and the first time I ever felt accepted and appreciated by someone as much as I accepted and appreciated having him in my life. There are still days when I can’t do anything but take a moment to sit and cry. Some days I put off important errands and duties because the hurt was so strong that I just had to lay on my couch in a haze, barely speaking to anyone or even paying attention to the Netflix show I was watching. Then my anxiety would kick in and I’d question every aspect of our relationship, asking myself things like: Was it ever real? Did I do something wrong?And so on, and so on.
I’m still not completely over it and some days are harder than others… but I’m still here. I’m still trying. I see my counselor every week, even when I don’t feel like leaving my house to drive to her office. I still attend classes and have been working on my final assignments for the semester. I still wake up every morning (I may not wake up as early as I’d like to some days) and I still nourish my body as best I can. Why? Because I deserve to be treated well. I deserve to practice self-love and keep pushing myself forward through the hurt and the pain.
My heart may be broken, but it won’t be forever. Sometimes my brain and my thoughts fight against me because they are so set on being defeated by any crushing blow that life brings. But here I am, still getting out of bed every day and carrying on. I hope that anyone reading this realizes their true inner strength and pushes on as well. Because this strength is not only valid or present when we are at our highest highs. It’s there when we feel like we’re at rock bottom too.
So no matter what loss you are facing or what obstacle is currently standing in your way, get up every day and be good to yourself. You are beyond capable and beyond deserving of it.
Unsplash photo via Hanna Postova