How I've Found Closure With Fibromyalgia
Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, I have found myself going through the stages of grief.
I had been undiagnosed for quite some time. I needed an answer so badly…I felt helpless. My symptoms were a lot harder to manage when I didn’t know what was causing them.
I knew there was an answer, and this year I finally got one. Even though I had an idea of what was wrong with me, it still came as a shock. It was hard to grasp the fact that there was no cure for my pain. I felt isolated.
I also felt angry that this had happened to me. Angry that there was no cure, angry about my childhood trauma that may have caused this to happen.
Then I started bargaining. If only nothing traumatic ever happened to me when I was a child…maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
I have gone through phases of feeling depressed. I realized that I have limitations and that fibromyalgia can and will affect every aspect of my life. I can no longer have the life of a healthy person.
Now I have accepted my diagnosis. I’m living my life as best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt with…and that is good enough. I feel content with my life and the way things are. I can’t change what has happened to me. I can’t turn the clock back. What I have is what I’ve got, and I have to live with that. Nothing is going to stop me from living my life. All I can do is make the best of it.
I now feel a sense of closure. I am able to move forward.
I thought about these stages of grief and how healthy people could understand what I’m going through. I came up with an analogy.
Imagine a loved one going missing. Nobody can find them. You have no idea where they are. That’s how I felt when I was undiagnosed.
You want answers, you need to know. Are they OK? You feel helpless…you need closure. But when you get an answer, it’s not good. That’s how I felt when I was diagnosed.
Even though it may not be the answer you were hoping for…at least you finally know. You may go through the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It may not be in that order, or you may not experience all of them…but grief is the only way to move forward and maybe you’ll finally find closure.
This could be a giant metaphor. The loved one going missing – well that was my health.
It wasn’t easy getting to the place I am now. There have been times where I’ve felt helpless, as though my mind and my body were two completely separate things. I felt trapped in my body.
Now I listen to my body and work with it. It’s something I must do. My lifestyle has changed to suit my needs. Even if it means walking at a slower pace, that’s OK with me. I have to really look out for myself now, because that’s what my body needs. My mind and my body now work together, and I’ve finally found peace.
Acceptance isn’t easy – but if I deserve one thing, that is closure…and I’ve finally got it.
For that, I am grateful.
Fibromyalgia can and will affect every aspect of my life…but I’ve taken the power back.