A Response to 'People With Borderline Personality Are Difficult'


Myth: People with borderline personality are difficult.

Fact:

I am not being difficult
when I suddenly burst into flames.
I don’t hate you, I don’t want to hurt you.
Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s the only way I know how to show you that I am in pain.

When I freeze inside myself
You might think I am refusing to speak.
Please don’t assume that it’s my way of punishing you.
It just means that at that moment my tongue is tied inside my heart
With overwhelming emotions I cannot even start
To try to explain to you.

I might act out because I don’t know how to tell you what or why I feel.
Please don’t let me go, even if I push you away,
Try to talk to me and hug me and tell me for the millionth time that you love me
If you want the me back that is real.

Actually I am not difficult at all
I’ve just had a really hard childhood and a really hard fall
and I’m injured on the inside where no one can see the scars.

Stars make me happy.
Horror movies make me sad.
Please listen to me when I try to tell you
I really can’t watch something because it makes me feel bad.

You would understand
If you can live inside of me
How intensely I feel emotion
And how difficult it is just coping
When you’re a drowning mermaid
In the middle of the ocean.

Speaking of Oceans…
When I feel sad it feels like I’m drowning in one,
When I feel excited
It feels like I jump off a cliff into one.

I guess what I’m trying to say is…
My judgments and identity float on the constant waves of emotions
That’s why I can do silly things
And make calls that really aren’t the best.
In my mind it’s justified
Although the consequences aren’t the best.

Lastly, but not leastly,
Don’t treat me like a child but set your boundaries and be firm
So that I can learn how to take responsibility
For bringing out the best in me.
I’m perfectly capable of doing it
I just need to learn how to.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Borderline Personality Disorder

11 Hidden Signs of 'Quiet' Borderline Personality Disorder (4)

11 Hidden Signs of 'Quiet' Borderline Personality Disorder

What is “quiet” borderline personality disorder?  According to Mighty contributor Matthew Gemma Karamozov, it’s all about how it presents. In his piece, “When You Don’t Fit the ‘Classic’ Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder,” he wrote, The perception of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one who “acts out.” That’s the “classical” definition, but like every disorder, the condition manifests [...]
ariana grande and pete davidson

The Problem With Calling Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande's Engagement 'So Borderline'

On Monday, Us Weekly confirmed rumors that comedian Pete Davidson and singer Ariana Grande are now engaged after a month of dating. Because Davidson has spoken openly about his diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD), both folks with BPD and those without have taken to Twitter to weigh in on “how borderline” this quick engagement is. Ariana Grande [...]
the cast of the TV show "Supernatural"

The Borderline Personality Disorder 'Habit' I Realized I Had After Watching 'Supernatural'

“Supernatural” has fast become one of my favorite shows, and the fact that all of the cast openly talk about mental health — especially Jared Padalecki with his own personal struggles — just made me love the show even more. When one of my favorite characters returned this season, I was stoked — mostly because [...]
young woman looking out of plane window

10 Songs That Help Me Get Through a Borderline Personality Disorder Breakdown

My borderline personality disorder (BPD) breakdowns and panic attacks go hand in hand; one either triggers the other, or they happen simultaneously. Before my diagnosis of BPD, I could never explain why I would get these panic attacks and what triggered them. It’s not any easier to explain with the diagnosis, but knowing I have [...]