A Response to 'People With Borderline Personality Are Difficult'
Myth: People with borderline personality are difficult.
I am not being difficult
when I suddenly burst into flames.
I don’t hate you, I don’t want to hurt you.
Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s the only way I know how to show you that I am in pain.
When I freeze inside myself
You might think I am refusing to speak.
Please don’t assume that it’s my way of punishing you.
It just means that at that moment my tongue is tied inside my heart
With overwhelming emotions I cannot even start
To try to explain to you.
I might act out because I don’t know how to tell you what or why I feel.
Please don’t let me go, even if I push you away,
Try to talk to me and hug me and tell me for the millionth time that you love me
If you want the me back that is real.
Actually I am not difficult at all
I’ve just had a really hard childhood and a really hard fall
and I’m injured on the inside where no one can see the scars.
Stars make me happy.
Horror movies make me sad.
Please listen to me when I try to tell you
I really can’t watch something because it makes me feel bad.
You would understand
If you can live inside of me
How intensely I feel emotion
And how difficult it is just coping
When you’re a drowning mermaid
In the middle of the ocean.
Speaking of Oceans…
When I feel sad it feels like I’m drowning in one,
When I feel excited
It feels like I jump off a cliff into one.
I guess what I’m trying to say is…
My judgments and identity float on the constant waves of emotions
That’s why I can do silly things
And make calls that really aren’t the best.
In my mind it’s justified
Although the consequences aren’t the best.
Lastly, but not leastly,
Don’t treat me like a child but set your boundaries and be firm
So that I can learn how to take responsibility
For bringing out the best in me.
I’m perfectly capable of doing it
I just need to learn how to.
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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash