19 Honest Statuses People With BPD Want to Post on Facebook, but Don't
It’s no secret that Facebook can perpetuate the “comparison game” — and it’s all too easy to look at your day-to-day life and wonder why it doesn’t look like the best, happiest snapshots of other peoples’ lives. This may be especially difficult when you’re struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD), a mental illness that can sometimes feel like it’s depriving you of happy moments on the daily.
When you’re worried about people calling you “attention-seeking” or “manipulative” because you live with BPD, you may feel like there’s no room for you to share how you are really doing. Because of this, we asked our Mighty borderline community to share one thing they wish they could post on Facebook, but don’t.
Here is what they had to say:
- “‘I feel everything. Every emotion and thought like a burn on my brain… Please bear with me when I want to talk [about] something seemingly insignificant over again hours, days, weeks or even years later. It hasn’t left my brain ever since it happened. I feel everything so deeply it hurts.’” — Amy R.
- “‘I’m having an episode and thoughts of hate and self-harm are taking over my head. Would someone please just come hold me until it’s over?’ I always feel so alone — isolated and disgusting — when I have an episode. Even if someone is there, I just want a loved one to hold me, love me and reassure me until I calm down.” — Lindsay P.
- “‘I need help.’ I need help cleaning my house because I can’t find the energy to do it myself. I need help showering because I haven’t in three days and I can’t get motivated. Who am I trying to impress? I need someone to make me eat, make me laugh, make me function, because I can’t do it by myself.” — Megan B.
- “‘Another round of questioning if your existence is meaningful or meaningless, anyone? No? Just me? OK.’” — Laura M.
- “‘I know I try to post about all the positive and good going on in my life. It might seem like everything is perfect and that I live day-to-day with a smile. Yes, I am thankful, but I often leave out the struggle I face day-to-day. I’m angry, depressed and I’m so very hurt. My emotions and symptoms switch all the time, and I’m constantly left invalidated and alone in it. I fear for my life almost every day. I want to die, yet I don’t want to die. I feel hopeless. I have flashes and thoughts of suicide and self-harm. I don’t look forward to what I used to. I have borderline personality disorder, and I wish people just listened for once. It seems people all talk about mental health the moment there is a celebrity suicide, but when you’re the one struggling every day with a severe mental illness that’s not as common and as depression and anxiety… there’s silence and stigma.’” — Kellyann N.
- “‘Can someone please talk me out of self-destructive behavior? I’m incredibly lonely and just need someone to talk to — anyone at all.’ I can’t post it because it seems very attention-seeking. It’s terrible, but it’s what I need more than anything. My brain constantly tells me that no one cares, even if they do.” — Samantha K.
- “‘Can someone just come over here and hold me?’ When I feel empty or extremely low, I often just wish I could be held and have someone with me, just so I know someone actually cares, that I’m not the monster I think I am.” — Megan G.
- “‘I’m sorry for everything I said. I didn’t mean it. I was in an episode. I’m suffering. Please don’t leave. I know you must hate me right now, I hate me too.’ My BPD makes me very angry very quick. I say things I don’t mean to people I don’t want to leave me and I assume if the tiniest thing changes in their speech, they hate me.” — Nina F.
- “‘I’m so tired of going through episodes of complete despair, anger and panic all rolled into one, just to get over it and be on a high the next day. Doesn’t the roller coaster ever stop?’” — Shelly B.
- “‘Stop expecting me to get better quickly. I will only disappoint you and feel worse about myself. Love me where I am. My little steps forward are a big deal to me.’” — Kaitlyn B.
- “‘Life is hard and terrifying and very intense all the time. I don’t think I’m wanted half the time due to this awful illness. Please just tell me if you love me so I know because at the moment, I don’t.’” — Lucy W.
- “‘To all the people I’ve hurt over the years, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain yourself or that I didn’t give you the opportunity to hear the thoughts in my head. I’m sorry I shut you out and went on with my life as if you never existed. Just know that although it seemed like I was OK, I was beating myself up over it almost every day. I hate the way I am, but I’m learning to live with it. Please bear with me.’” — Serity M.
- “‘It may seem like I don’t feel guilty or take ownership of things, but in reality, I do — and to the extreme. I internalize everything because people always say I’m overreacting or I’m too much when I express emotions.’” — Michaela S.
- “‘I know things will get better, but for now I still just want someone to listen, and validate that my emotions are real.’” — Cassi N.
- “’I know I’m hard to deal with some days, but I don’t do it on purpose, and I beat myself up for it more than you ever could.’” — Cierra M.
- “‘Please love me. Please make me feel worth.’ I know I shouldn’t equate my value and how other people view or see me, but sometimes I need somebody just to tell me I’m worthy of happiness and they still love me.” — Ash M.
- “‘I’m sorry… It will happen again. I’m trying so hard to not be toxic.’” — Rosina C.
- “‘I feel like there’s a storm inside my head and I need someone to hold my hand until it quiets down and tell me I’m not a bad person for feeling the way I do and that those feelings are valid.’” — Aleksandra K.
- “‘I want everyone to go away… But actually I just want someone to talk to me because I’m scared I’m going to drown in loneliness.’” — Catherine R.
Unsplash photo via Fabian Irsara