No, I'm Not Lazy. I'm Just Depressed.
This piece was written by Logan Turner, a Thought Catalog contributor.
Waking up past noon becomes commonplace when things seem pointless. I lay in bed for hours and hours after I wake up just looking up at the ceiling or scrolling through social media for the seventh time. Just the thought of getting out of bed seems too much like a chore. It just doesn’t seem worth it. Sure, eventually I make it out of bed (usually by default because I become hungry or have to go to the bathroom). After I’m done with whatever I’m doing though it usually ends up with me laying on the couch watching Netflix for the rest of the day.
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As I lay on the couch and look around at my dirty apartment, I realize I should probably be doing something productive. Dishes are starting to pile up and I’ve neglected to take out the trash once again. I’m perfectly aware that I’ve been neglecting my responsibilities, and I might even feel bad about it. This fails to motivate, though. My mind and body somehow work against my desires to actually do something and I continue to just lay there on the couch.
My phone rings. It’s my best friends texting me to go out again. This had to be the millionth time they tried to get me out of the house this week. Instead of getting back with them to hang out I just look at the message. I’m starting to run out of excuses as to why I can’t go out. Yes, going out sounds like it would be fun, but it just doesn’t seem like it will help any. I still feel apathetic and numb. Going out may be a Band-Aid solution, but it’s not going to fix how my brain is making me feel. Plus going out is expensive anyways. I reply back saying I’m just not feeling well, and even though they know I’m lying, they go along with it anyways and tell me to feel better.
Hobbies I was once so passionate about have fallen by the wayside. Remember how much fun I had when writing music? Or how I found myself having the time of my life when playing baseball? Those times were great, but they just seem more of a chore now. It’s not like I lost passion for those things. The motivation I used to have just isn’t there anymore. The will to do these things just seemed to vanish overnight.
It may well not be me though. It’s easy to write myself off as lazy or someone who just lost the will to care. The mind is a powerful and sometimes destructive tool, and believe it or not, it could be playing a cruel trick on me at the moment. So what’s wrong with me? Am I really this lazy? As in a lot of cases like this, I may not be lazy, I may be depressed…
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Unsplash photo via Demetrius Washington