When Low Self-Esteem Keeps You From Applying for a Job

I often go through periods of unemployment due to my depression and anxiety. Sometimes these jobless “eras” can last for several months or over a year. Either way, my bank account depletes and I find myself back in the same situation as everyone else: I desperately need money.

Many people — mental illness or not — can relate to the stress of looking for a job, a career, something you can hopefully be happy doing. There are many things to consider when browsing these endless opportunities online: the hours, workload, required holidays, wages, location, amounts of social interaction and so on. It is truly overwhelming to scroll through, and it’s even harder to do when burdened with mental illness.

Most job descriptions or advertisements contain a list of responsibilities and qualifications with phrases like, “happily greet customers,” “smile” or “talented individuals.” I don’t think much of myself. As a person struggling with mental illness and having lost another job due to the state of my mental health, the last thing I can do is “happily greet customers,” “smile” or believe I’m talented. The prospect alone of returning to force myself to be fine for eight hours a day (again) is enough to bring me to tears.

Job searches become increasingly difficult and discouraging. It drains me of energy I didn’t even have to begin with. Sometimes, I get so frustrated with myself and my little resumé that I go into a fury of self-harm. Seeing all of the things I can never be is hurtful to my self-esteem. I begin to tell myself I shouldn’t bother trying. Each job description brings me deeper into my depression and after hours of reading through seemingly impossible tasks, I fall into the inevitable spiral: No employer wants me. My qualifications are not enough. I’m worthless. I’m never going to get a decent job. All I do is fail. If only I had gone back to school. If only I was better. If only I wasn’t mentally ill.

And if by some miracle I do come across a job listing that fits my resume, I begin to wonder… Am I actually good enough? Can I really do this job?

The answer is: yes, I can.

So many times I passed a great opportunity because I didn’t think I was good enough for it, even if that opportunity could’ve led me towards my dream career! I was too scared and didn’t think I was capable. Maybe you’ve missed some opportunities, too. Well, I’m here to tell you that you can’t let your lack of confidence hinder you.

Whether you’re looking for a job to help pay rent, start over someplace new or chasing your dreams, you can’t let that bully in your head stop you. We all start in different places when building our careers. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you’re at the bottom and working your way up. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if holding down a full-time job is too much. It’s OK to start over. The point is you’re trying, and working towards a better, healthier you.

Money is important and applying for a new job is scary. Trust me, I know. But there have been times when I proved my depression wrong and I was more than capable of performing my job and everything ended up OK. I remind myself of that when I start to doubt again.

I can do this. I know you can, too.