When you’re the girl who overthinks, everything becomes more complex. You analyze every little detail — every text, every glance, every change in demeanor. Like a detective trying to see behind the curtain, you have a hard time believing there’s no hidden meaning behind what you see. A one-word answer means they’re mad at you. No answer means they want nothing to do with you anymore. Your mind skips right past the logical explanation that maybe they’re having a hard day or they’re busy. No, it’s personal.
You spend hours typing and re-typing a two phrase answer, shaking as you hit “send,” and re-rereading your message over and over until finally they answer.
You come off as needy, and you wish people understood that your heart, trust and feelings have been broken before, and you’re just trying to protect yourself. You prepare yourself for the worse in a vain attempt to cushion your soul because if you’re prepared for the pain, it hurts a little less.
It’s hard for you to believe that happiness can happen to you. You believe the universe has a way of balancing everything, so even when it’s all going well, you’re scared it’s going to get taken away.
You constantly feel drained from the intensity of your mind that never stops throwing a tornado of thoughts at you. You wish there was an “off button,” but there’s not. You know it makes it harder for people to love you, so you’re thankful for the people who stay, even if they know you need a little more reassurance than most. They’ve seen you at your worst and they don’t run away. They won’t even mention that you’re telling them the same story for the third time today. They listen every time like it’s the first. They hug you quietly when you can’t express the messiness of your mind into coherent thoughts. They stay. In a world where people run away at the first sight of struggle, find the ones who stay. They’re the keepers that keep your heart safe.
Unsplash photo via Candice Pickard