What I Want You to Remember If You've Seen Relationships Fade After Becoming Sick
Support comes in all forms when you receive a diagnosis, but as you become sicker and the “old you”Ā starts fading away, so can your relationships.
So many people want to be there for you when you first receive yourĀ diagnosis, but as you becomeĀ sicker, and when it all becomes too real, it seems you start losing people one by one. Thereās nothing worse than having to grieve your old self, plus having to mourn each relationship lost as you go.
One day you wake up, and all of a sudden you feel like you have no one left.
āHanging outā and visits turn into text messages. The text messages turn into the occasional Facebook chat, and then even those just stop abruptly — until thereās no more communication.Ā It seems as though everyone just went away.
Itās easy to get into a pattern where you canāt help but blame yourself.
If I wasnāt this sick, Iād still have friends.
If I was healthy and could have a normal conversation about monotonous things, I wouldnāt push people away.
If only I could be healthy and not intimidate people who are unsure how to approach this new āsickā me.
If only I wasnāt intimidated by them thinking about me being sick, and could fill in the awkward silences.
If only I could erase all the sad eyes, the weakened expressions, and not have people who onceĀ respectedĀ me feel sorry for me.
This is the worst part, the pity.
If only these people knew that Iām the exact same person, the same person who was their friend for all those years.Ā The same family member, the very same.
People change regardless of being ill, but it seemsĀ being ill puts a wedge in between the healthy and the sick. The unknown is often just too much. If I changed because I became an a**hole Iād understand,Ā but Iām the very same person.
This is the first time Iāve ever expressed how much it hurts.
How at my sickest, Iāve never been so alone.
When someone says, āYou must have a lot of people around you!ā And you just donāt know how to respond.
I donāt want to come off as ungrateful or selfish because there are some amazing people who have come into my life despite me being sick.
But those relationships lost still weigh heavily on my heart, and I wish I could have every single one back. Back to normal.
But Iāll never be ānormal,ā so all of this will remain.
What I will say is Iāve learned a few things while these relationships have come and gone.
- Itās not your fault. Even though it may feel like it is, stop blaming yourself.
- Often people want to be there, they just donāt know how.
- Itās exhausting trying to make others feel comfortable around you, so focus on yourself being comfortable and the rest will follow.
- Itās not your job to put everyone else at ease. If they are your friend, they will try to find a way to understand your new situation.
- People who are truly your friend want to know how you are. They donāt want the sugar-coated answer, so be honest with yourĀ friends.
- YourĀ best friendsĀ donāt mind changing plans, or understand when you canāt make it because youāre not feeling up to it suddenly.
- YourĀ best friendsĀ will make an effort to make you comfortable in these new and changing circumstances. Theyāll go out of their way to make sure you have a place to lay down in their home if you get tired, or have a fan handy for when you get too warm, etc.
- The people you lost were probably not meant to be close to you in the first place.
- Donāt feel bad for making the decision to cut out toxic relationships, even though you might feel like you canāt afford to lose anyone else. Itās not worth putting yourself through hell to have āfriends.ā
- Donāt take for granted the people who did stay around. Know that they love you so much, and cherish them every day.
This story originally appeared on Pheo Vs Fabulous