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What a 'Brave Face' Really Looks Like With Chronic Illness

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How brave we must be, to hear the alarm bells ring and know we must begin the same day all over again.

How brave we must be, to delicately pull ourselves out of bed with aching limbs that scream in retaliation.

How brave we must be, when we stand up on two sore legs or not at all.

How brave we must be, to look in the mirror and see so clearly what others can not. How brave we must be, to laugh until we cry or cry until we laugh.

How brave we must be, to silently watch healthy people from afar and hold back the jealousy.

How brave we must be, to greet those we meet with a warm and pleasant smile and hide behind the words: “I’m fine.”

How brave we must be, when forced to see the world from a different perspective.

How brave we must be, not knowing what the future will bring, but still holding tightly onto it.

How brave we must be, to try calming our minds with meditation when all we really want is medication. How brave we must be, to survive the day when we thought we wouldn’t.

How brave we must be, to view the world through online images taken from someone else’s camera.

How brave we must be, knowing there’s so much more waiting for us just beyond the curtains.

How brave we must be, looking out at the stars above us and praying for something we know may never come true.

How brave we must be, for going to that one-off social event, when we know the consequences will far outweigh the benefits.

How brave we must be, with every doctor’s appointment leaving us with more questions than it does answers.

How brave we must be, when explaining our circumstances to judgmental eyes and cynical ears.

How brave we must be, when we witness others enjoying themselves simply because they can.

How brave we must be, to find the smallest reasons to keep going despite it all.

How brave we must be, to see the beauty in others and find purpose in what others often see as meaningless.

How brave we must be, with every new treatment, tablet and never-ending complication.

How brave we must be, when deciding going to the hospital is not worth the heartache of being told, “you’re fine” for the hundredth time.

How brave we must be, to forsake the hurt to feel some fresh air on our fragile skin.

How brave we must be, for laughing, smiling and bringing joy to others even in our darkest moments.

How brave we must be, for wiping away our tears after another breakdown and carrying on like it never happened.

How brave we must be, to dress up and act the part knowing we might be called imposters or frauds.

How brave we must be, when listening with loving hearts while our friends open up about their own personal problems and insecurities. Then giving insightful wisdom and advice that only a chronically ill person could give.

How brave we must be, when we take a deep breath and say hello to a family member we haven’t seen in a while.

How brave we must be, when diving deep into the internet and researching our illnesses because the doctors have never heard of them.

How brave we must be, for changing our entire lifestyle for a quality of life others might see as poor.

How brave we must be, to keep fighting for the life we always wanted.

How brave we must be, when actively supporting others through the hardships of chronic illness because nobody else will.

How brave we must be, for getting back up each time we fall.

How brave we must be, for speaking so positively about our experiences, when the negativity comes so much easier.

How brave we must be, when we share our stories knowing opinions will be distorted.

How brave we must be, to have minds strong enough to deal with our bodies.

How brave we must be, for the risks we take as every activity could be a fatal mistake.

How brave we must be, to find hope when it’s hopeless.

How brave we must be, to try and see clearly in a land of mist and brain fog.

How brave we must be, to put on our brave faces so nobody feels uncomfortable around us.

How brave we must be, when we notice ourselves feeling genuine joy for the first time in months.

How brave we must be, for sitting in silence for hours when all we want is to be free.

How brave we must be, when allowing ourselves to rest when we don’t want to.

How brave we must be, to respectfully understand there’s always “somebody worse than you” and it’s “not something else,” but hearing people use that as a way to discredit your illness.

How brave we must be, when our bravery will never be suitably rewarded.

How brave we must be, when the night falls and we are still in our beds, weak and exhausted, waiting patiently for restful sleep that will never come.

How brave we must be, to forget the luxury of doing whatever we want.

How brave we must be, as we encourage ourselves to overcome the overwhelming force that pulls us back, reassuring our minds we have the tools we need to cope with it all.

How brave we must become, when every action we make is owned by our illness. We put on our brave faces and our masks so we can make it just a little further. Just a little longer. Just one more step. We can make it.

Chronic illness is for the brave.

Unsplash image by Tamara Bellis

Originally published: February 12, 2020
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