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The Question I Don't Like To Ask (But I Do) Because of Multiple Myeloma

There are two words I don’t like to say, and a question I don’t like to ask, “Why me?” Because really, “Why not me?” I am no different than anyone else.

But recently I find myself reflecting on my life and thinking about those two words.

It’s probably because of what I will be doing in the next few months. A stem cell transplant in January to cure my multiple myeloma followed by a possible kidney transplant. Unfortunately, my kidneys are the price I’ve paid for taking a combination of medications to keep my secondary progressive multiple sclerosis under control for the past 30 years plus the chemotherapy for the multiple myeloma. It can also be that I am turning 60 in April.

Don’t misunderstand me, I feel great and I am very happy with my life. I have a wonderful husband who has been by my side every step of the way despite the fact that he suffers from severe anxiety and “white coat syndrome.” And he was able to take an early retirement and we followed a long-time dream and moved out of the city to the country with our two cats.

But that question still pops into my head.

They say God only gives you what you can handle and there is a reason for everything. I don’t know why I have been given these challenges or what I’m supposed to learn from them. But until I can figure it out, I’ll just take it one step at a time, accept my challenges and stay positive. If I don’t, the road can get very dark and that question, those two words “Why me” will be always in my head.

Photo credit: PierreDesrosiers/Getty Images