People With Disabilities Have the Right to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is a right everyone deserves, and that includes people with disabilities.

Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set as acceptable and unacceptable. This can be behavior, language, and other things that can make a person comfortable or uncomfortable. When someone sets a boundary, it is not our business how or why they have set it, but it is our responsibility to respect it.

I am a person with a disability. I have cerebral palsy as well as being an amputee, and I am a wheelchair user. I also have an intellectual disability. Though I am an adult, I still live at home right now. I need a lot of help with transfers, bathing, food prep, etc. When I was younger, I did not know the word boundary, let alone what a boundary was or how to set one for myself. It wasn’t until my early 20s that I found out about boundaries. I learned there were certain things I could “set” to ensure that I was comfortable in situations. I learned it was respectful of others to understand and be mindful of whatever boundaries I set for myself.

Some boundaries I have set include not pushing my wheelchair without asking and respecting my privacy if I’m requesting it. An example of this would be my mom coming into my room recently when the door is closed without knocking and saying, “Look, I didn’t even knock.” I feel when someone is helping an individual with a disability, there are times when boundaries are ignored or pushed aside. Boundaries set by individuals who have disabilities are often treated as “cute” or as something to invalidate their independence. People with disabilities need to be taken just as seriously as everyone else.

My whole life, I have been a people pleaser. This is something I am trying to change, but it’s a work in progress. Having a disability along with people-pleasing tendencies has made it easier for people around me to dismiss my boundaries. I feel like our boundaries are often not respected or seen as a real thing.

When our boundaries are not respected, it makes us feel like we are less than, inspiration porn and not considered contributing members of society within our communities — which we very much are. We want to feel as if our own beliefs and what we stand for are being heard and validated. Though a boundary may seem minor or unimportant to someone else, if an individual has set one for their comfort, we need to honor and respect that.

Those without disabilities may have a hard time understanding the importance of these boundaries, but I am sure everyone can empathize with a time where they felt they were not being heard and or respected and how dismissive that felt. If roles were reversed for a day and those who do not have a disability saw how those that do have them are treated regularly, it could create change.

Boundaries matter everywhere. In our homes, in our communities, in our workplace and when interacting with other individuals, think about what’s important to them. Ask them if something is OK before doing it. Be considerate of everyone’s boundaries — and that includes people with disabilities.